Zzzzz

I'm just tired all. the. time. I wake up tired, I go to work tired, I drive tired, I eat tired, I get back into bed and I'm tired. I try to sleep, nothing happens.

I have sleep apnea. It's not fun. I used to stop breathing in my sleep all the time and snored like a hibernating bear, it was ridiculous. Now that I've gotten my tonsils out (and nearly died in the process due to bleeding half to death 2 weeks later when I shouldn't have), I don't snore anymore and I don't really stop breathing. The damage is done though. After most of my life with lack of sleep, lack of oxygen while sleeping, all the crap that goes along with it, I'm fucked. I will still fall asleep in any situation. I have been at heavy metal rock concerts and fallen asleep. I can't go to meetings without having a bottle of water or something with me so I can keep myself entertained, or I'll fall asleep. I've gotten used to it, it's been 20 years, but it's frustrating. One day I want to wake up feeling refreshed and awake. One day I want to know what it feels like to stay awake and alert without any stimulants helping me. One day I want to be able to function like a normal human being (whatever that means) and just sleep.