Busy Busy Little Bee!

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last posted something.

Time just seems to keep getting away from me.
There is always something on, something to do, somewhere to be, busy busy little bee!

I'm kinda bored at work today. I feel tired and restless and just want to go outside and play in the sunshine.

Tonight I'm meeting Dominics' friends for the first time. which is a little scary! He thinks they'll love me and I really hope they do. I come across intimidating to people and I never mean to... I'm just going to try and tone it down and NOT GET DRUNK! Not even Dominic has met that side of me yet and the poor guy wouldn't know how to handle it.

On Sunday it's Greek Easter. I can't believe this year it's over a month difference between the 2. I'm really looking forward to it this year though; it feels different not living at home and going there for it. I'm staying for the weekend but it'll feel like a mini holiday, compared to just another weekend at home. Plus, I'm finally being able to eat more foods than I have been for awhile so I can't wait to just stuff my face!

I went to Canberra last weekend with Dominic for our first little holiday together. It was just so much fun! We had a roadtrip down, singing away and being dorks. Stayed at a lovely hotel and went shopping and out for dinner and drinks. Went to a farmers market too which was fantastic! Got to catch up with Cher and it was just all such great fun. Spending time with Dominic, going on adventures or even just staying in, is always so nice!

In the next couple of weekends I'm going away up the central coast and I can't wait!

There's just lots going on but thankfully, I'm holding strong and feeling better and enjoying the shenanigans.

Another day, another change.

I officially have a boyfriend.

Like, Facebook official and all.

I'm still not entirely sure I'm awake right now, but if this is a dream, I do NOT want to wake up.

In the span of a month, I've found someone who just... I don't even know how to describe it.

Fate?

Destiny?

Those words can seem scary, full on, intense.

This is me though.
I live by these.
Fate.
Destiny.

It's all still new and wonderful and lots to learn.

What I do know though, with no doubt in my mind, is that...

This is different.

This will make a difference to me, in some way.

Magic.

Libra horoscope for Apr 12 2013

"Looks aren't everything. We all know that. Still, everyone seeks out people or situations that are appealing on an aesthetic  level. But what is appealing is truly in the eye of the beholder. You may find a certain situation or a certain purchase you're considering to be very appealing, but someone you love doesn't get what you see in it. So what? Does it really matter? If something is truly appealing to you, then you shouldn't need a jury to come to the same conclusion. If it brings you pleasure, or brightens your life in some way, then revel in it."

My Star Sign is eerily accurate today.

For the first time, in a long time, I do not feel the need to seek approval from anyone else.

It's such a liberating feeling!

I'm happy :) And that's all that matters to me.

Everything comes in 3's!

One week.

This time, it's taken one week for my life to completely change.

They say everything comes in threes. I've believed this my whole life, I've lived this my whole life; this week just proves the point more than it ever could have been before.

Firstly, April and I have officially found our new home! I am so fucking excited. It's an absolutely gorgeous 4 bedroom Federation house that's been newly renovated, it's fucking stunning. In exactly one week we will have the keys, be moved in and starting a completely new book in my life!
I can't wait.

Secondly. Over the last 6-12 months (well, I've had this problem for years, but it's been worse in the last 12 months) I've been really sick in my stomach. Constantly being sick, becoming allergic to food I'd never had a problem with before, a lot of crazy stuff. I finally got a referral to a specialist and got sent to hospital for day surgery to check out all my insides.
I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease.
A part of me is devastated of course, but, a big part of me is actually really relieved! I finally have answers. I finally know what's wrong with me and what I can do to fix it. No more guessing games, no more stress and constantly being ill.
It's not great, but it's finally a solid answer to how I can change my life for the good.

And finally, Thirdly.
Wow. Just wow.
I'm never usually one to talk about someone so soon, not in writing like this anyway.
It's just been such a whirlwind though, I'm stunned, blown away, completely fucking smitten.
Since my last post, about the guy I've had my eye on for months from the train, it's like a fucking movie.
Kissing him is like a drug, I can't get enough.
He has taken me on 3 dates already, each better than the last.
The 3rd date though, was yesterday, and one I just have to be all giddy about.
I drove down to his place and he cuddled me on the couch, asking me about the hospital and just listening to me and comforting me in the most wonderful way. It was beautiful weather and I wanted to play outside so he decided to take me on a random road trip adventure down the coast to Kiama, to the water, to see the tourist sites and basically cater to every whim I had. We got coffee, I dragged him into gift shops, we went and saw the blow hole because I hadn't seen it since I was a child and he just grinned and went along with all of it. We walked hand in hand, acted like a total giddy couple, and it was gorgeous.
He drove me back to his place, took me out to dinner, making sure we went somewhere where I could actually eat the food (swoon) and then we went back to his place and watched The Breakfast Club!!!
I swear, I don't remember the last time I had such a perfect date.
It just felt right to stay the night.
It felt even more right to do what happened next.
All I can say, honestly, is wow.
WOW!
I have never, in my life, found someone more compatible, in all ways, to me.
I've never had someone make me feel so so beautiful.
I've never had someone look at me the way he does.
I'm covered in bruises from the hospital, I'm covered in a rash from an allergic reaction and I look like I haven't seen the sun in months, I'm so pale. And he looked at me like I was a goddess. He kissed every bruise and mark, he touched me like I was the most precious thing in the world, and he said the most sweetest things to me, constantly, even now while I'm typing this and he's out with his friends and still texting me saying he misses me.
It's astounding.
It's mind blowing.
It's not even scary in the slightest.
It feels like it's the most right thing in the world.
I don't know what's going to happen, but right now, it's just getting better and better as each day passes.
He just completely rocks my socks and I feel like I'm flying.
I find him so ridiculously attractive, I can't even think straight around him.
It's quick, yet not, at the same time.
I feel like I've known him forever.
We constantly keep finding more things in common, we even use the same words and phrases that I've never heard anyone else but me use before!
It's just, wow.

My life is never going to be the same again.

Mind = Blown.

2 weeks later...

It never ceases to amaze me how much my life changes on a weekly basis. I'm not sure how I keep up with this stuff, sometimes I know I don't, but it's always eventful!

The day of my last post, I went to the annual Tattoo expo in Sydney.
I got myself tattoo # 7, a black cat, behind my left ear.
It made me feel better.
I would never advise someone to get a tattoo while they are upset, drunk, whatever, but it's a little different for me.
I have a list, about 15 so far, of tattoos I want to get. Every time there is a life changing event for me, and that day was one in a sense, I get a new tattoo. Whether it's good, bad, whatever, it signifies a change, a new path.
Tomorrow I'm going to inspect about 4 places with April, on our seach for our new home together. That's the first biggest change.

This morning, I offically met this guy, who has so far I've had a story with that's like a movie:

I first noticed this guy awhile ago, on my train.
He has all these amazing tattoos on his arms, he has this look that I totally dig, and I saw him and thought, "Wow."
Now, I'm a pretty shy person at times, so I kind of just left it as a nice view on my way to work.
Then I started to notice him looking at me.
We'd do the whole "checking each other out but looking away if the other noticed" kind of thing and it was cute and amusing.
Then we'd start to smile at each other.
It always made my morning.
This week, on Monday morning, I kind of noticed him paying particular attention. I wondered what he was doing, I started to really kick myself for not getting the nerve to just say hi, or something!
Tuesday comes along, more smiles, he watches me get off the train, I'm getting more annoyed with myself for just not at least saying bye, something!
Wednesday morning, I tried to, I really did, but I completely chickened out and felt a bit silly when I got to work. I saw Jimmy in the morning and told him about it, and I threw around the idea of maybe saying something via Mx, the free newspaper that everyone reads on the trains in the afternoon and has a section called "Here's looking at you" where you can send a little note to someone who's caught your eye.
Wednesday evening I was offered a lift to Sutherland with Eva, and nearly took it, but decided nah, get the train. I nearly didn't grab the Mx, but last minute decided to. I was going to change my bag that night, which is black and has spikes all over it, until I opened the Mx.
And there it was.
He had written in.
To me.
Saying my smile made his morning.
I nearly had a heart attack! I called April straight away, kind of losing my shit, as  you do hehe, and thought "this is it! you have to say something now!"
Thursday morning, he gets on and the train is packed. We couldn't even stand near each other, let alone me say hi.
So, I did something I've never done before.
 I wrote him a note.
Saying that his smile makes my morning too, with my name and number on it.
I got courage from somewhere, and handed it to him as I was getting off the train. I could have died on the spot, what if I got it wrong? What if it wasn't him? I was so sure it was the night before, I was so sure that was meant for me, I just KNEW. I always tend to question myself though, bad habit.
Not 20 mins later...
I get a text.
From him.
All my doubts flew away.
We kept texting during the day, strangly finding more and more in common with each other than I had expected. It was amazing.
This morning, we finally, offically, said hi to each other. We chatted on the train, he got off with me and we grabbed a coffee, it was just, wow. I don't know where this guy came from, how I've never come across him before, we have mutual friends for fuck sake!
Regardless, it's been pretty amazing, bizarre, random and just, fantastic. We're going to meet again next week after work and I have to say, maybe, just maybe, this is yet another new path in my life. Regardless, I've made a new friend, and he's super cool. Just like me :)

(I've been talking to Eva about this and she told me that she's been praying for me for a while now, which melted my heart, and this is what she's been praying for:
"

hi god, me again
please bring connie a nice man who will rock her socks off.
she deserves it, no more a-holes please.
just a nice guy who likes tattoos, coffee, makes her giggle and shares of her love of all things weird and wonderful.
that would be tops.
kthanxbai, amen & bazinga"

 

There might be a slight part of me, that hopes that prayer is finally coming true. Not necessarily with this guy, but soon, with someone.

Just another manic Monday

This is what happens when I'm bored at work...
(Glenn is straight but was at Mardi Gras over the weekend and got a liittle crazy!)

Connie

I'm bored

so very bored

Glenn

hearing ya

Connie

Entertain me?

Glenn

hey i just met you

and this is crazy

Connie

But here's my number

So call me maybe?

Glenn

and all the other boys

try to chasssssssseeeeeeeee me

but heres my number

so call me maybe????

Connie

hahaha 

I don't care, I love it!

Glenn

i knew you were trouble when you walked my way!!!!!!

Connie

Is that a line from the song?

Glenn

no from a diff song

taylor swift!

Connie

Omfg

No

Just no

I don't do Taylor Swift

Glenn

bahahaha she is good!@

Connie

You're dropped

Glenn

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

quality lyrics!

Connie

If you keep quoting Taylor Swift songs to me, and I'm gonna assume those are, I won't talk to you anymore

Glenn

hahaha nawwwwww whyyyyyyyy?????????

Connie

Cos that's just ridiculous

Glenn

oh boo you

for the rest of the arvo we have to talk in nothing but lyrics and make a story

Connie

Done!

This is going to be hard lol

Glenn

sweet you can start

Connie

Does it have to be a flowing story though?

Glenn

well it has to try and make sense

cant just be random

but as long as it flows in a direction

Connie

aw sh!t

Glenn

hahaha

step up kiddo

Connie

A long, long time ago, I can still remember, how that music used to make me smile

Glenn

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk

Connie

1. Nobody on the road Nobody on the beach I feel it in the air The summer's out of reach 

Glenn

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Connie

(Oh man, you had to go emo)

Glenn

hahaha live with it

Connie

don't try to find the answer
when there ain't no question here
brother let your heart be wounded
and give no mercy to your fear

Glenn

To Find yourself just look inside the wreckage of your past

Connie

So strange are the ways,
They all have changed
Still life it stays the same
A break from the past
Could make it last
Maybe just a little longer

Glenn

Happy days are coming my way, its been some time, but here to stay,
Is the life of love Ive found, sends me up on happy ground.
Sleepy head has gone to bed, makes me laugh, face turn red,
Giggling down on the ground, I'll pick you up and spin you around.

Connie

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come

 Glenn

Relax don't do it
When you want to to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come

Connie

I just touched down
Quarter after two
I know it's late
I'm calling you
Tryin' to figure if I
Can come see you

(That was hard!)

Glenn

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie

Connie

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfcker burn,
Burn motherfcker burn.

Glenn

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Connie

Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding And I don't even own a TV
Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me You told them all
I was crazy They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee
G0dd@mn you

Glenn

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Connie

(You're depressing :( )

Glenn

hahaha im playing music on youtube and just using lyrics out of it

JT  is on at the moment

Connie

You are so g@y!

Glenn

hey i proved that!!!

 Connie

You sure did, table dancer

Glenn

window sill thankyou

and cage

and catwalk

FML

Connie

:-O

No!

You didn't!

Glenn

ahh yes i did...

Connie

LMAO!

Glenn

most of the night

i'll have to fill u in

lol

it was random

Connie

Just a little!

Glenn

when we do it, we do it properly

Connie

hahahahahaha

Glenn

the people that were there were telling us that we are the loosest things theyve seen in there for a long tim

**time

now thats saying something

 Connie

This is getting blogged lol

Glenn

whats blogged?

this convo?

Connie

This conversation

Funniest talk I've had in ages

Glenn

haha wait till i tell u the whole story haha

then you'll have a story

Caution - Ranting ahead.

Every day I come on here to start a post and get as far as staring at the screen blankly.

I have lots of things I've wanted to let out, muse over, discuss, but when push comes to shove, it won't come out.

It's probably a cominbation of tiredness, overwork, not being able to find the right words, wondering if it's worth even talking about, sheer laziness and bah humbug ness.

I've been in the process of finding a new place to live with April, sorting out my life and what I want to take with me and what I want to leave behind, juggling my social life (what a fucking mission), trying to get my health on track, dealing with other people's shit and generally having my mind be on a million things at once.

I keep thinking that I reached the deepest level of tired and still be able to function but it keeps going. I'm not sure what I'm running on these days but if I could bottle this and sell it, I'd be a billionaire.

I've been getting pretty over people's bullshit lately.
I just don't have the time and patience to deal with anyone.
I'm feeling pretty feral in a sense that I'm ready to pounce and rip apart anyone who pushes me even slightly, so of course it seems like everyone is poking the bear.

Friends who think they know "best" and keep trying to tell me what to do (I can be quite dominant so when someone tries to tell me what to do and push the issue, it doesn't sit well), friends keep expecting me to hook them up with ridiculous requests (I had to say to one today "Do I look like a fucking fairy godmother to you?"), people are saying one thing but then their actions show something completely different, just, argh!

Stop already!

Stop the bullshit!

I have nothing left to give.

I need to concentrate on myself and people are either supportive or not, but they need to stop making me feel like shit when I am who I am and don't want to deal with anything but my own stuff. I feel like I'm being punished and I HATE that, not just hate but it makes me really pissed off and then I just don't want to play nice anymore.

If I don't want to do something that involves me specifically, I won't do it and people should certainly not take offence to it - it's MY choice if I want to do something or not, and it's to be accepted, without question, because that's how it works. If someone were to say the same to me - for example - one of my gf's has asked that I don't contact her because she's going through some stuff and that she'll contact me when she's ready, my response is "Sure no worries." and not a single ounce of resentment or being upset is given, because you know why? That's what she wants so she gets it! It's not hard.

If I don't want to follow someone's advice and do what they say, they need to fucking accept that too.
 No one is the boss of me, except me. I don't listen to my parents when they try and tell me what to do, so I'm certainly not going to listen to anyone else.
 Give suggestions sure, I'm always open to them, but the minute someone says "You have to do this" ooh boy, I'll tell you what you have to fucking do mate!

I'm in a mood, I am aware of it, I'm trying to control it, but at the same time, I don't think I'm being ridiculous when I expect people to show me understanding and acceptance that I will always show them.

So yes, I'm distant, I'm short tempered, I'm blunt and I'm saying it how it is, because I've had enough. It's already freaking March and I will take control of my life MY way, whether people are with me or not.