Caution - Ranting ahead.

Every day I come on here to start a post and get as far as staring at the screen blankly.

I have lots of things I've wanted to let out, muse over, discuss, but when push comes to shove, it won't come out.

It's probably a cominbation of tiredness, overwork, not being able to find the right words, wondering if it's worth even talking about, sheer laziness and bah humbug ness.

I've been in the process of finding a new place to live with April, sorting out my life and what I want to take with me and what I want to leave behind, juggling my social life (what a fucking mission), trying to get my health on track, dealing with other people's shit and generally having my mind be on a million things at once.

I keep thinking that I reached the deepest level of tired and still be able to function but it keeps going. I'm not sure what I'm running on these days but if I could bottle this and sell it, I'd be a billionaire.

I've been getting pretty over people's bullshit lately.
I just don't have the time and patience to deal with anyone.
I'm feeling pretty feral in a sense that I'm ready to pounce and rip apart anyone who pushes me even slightly, so of course it seems like everyone is poking the bear.

Friends who think they know "best" and keep trying to tell me what to do (I can be quite dominant so when someone tries to tell me what to do and push the issue, it doesn't sit well), friends keep expecting me to hook them up with ridiculous requests (I had to say to one today "Do I look like a fucking fairy godmother to you?"), people are saying one thing but then their actions show something completely different, just, argh!

Stop already!

Stop the bullshit!

I have nothing left to give.

I need to concentrate on myself and people are either supportive or not, but they need to stop making me feel like shit when I am who I am and don't want to deal with anything but my own stuff. I feel like I'm being punished and I HATE that, not just hate but it makes me really pissed off and then I just don't want to play nice anymore.

If I don't want to do something that involves me specifically, I won't do it and people should certainly not take offence to it - it's MY choice if I want to do something or not, and it's to be accepted, without question, because that's how it works. If someone were to say the same to me - for example - one of my gf's has asked that I don't contact her because she's going through some stuff and that she'll contact me when she's ready, my response is "Sure no worries." and not a single ounce of resentment or being upset is given, because you know why? That's what she wants so she gets it! It's not hard.

If I don't want to follow someone's advice and do what they say, they need to fucking accept that too.
 No one is the boss of me, except me. I don't listen to my parents when they try and tell me what to do, so I'm certainly not going to listen to anyone else.
 Give suggestions sure, I'm always open to them, but the minute someone says "You have to do this" ooh boy, I'll tell you what you have to fucking do mate!

I'm in a mood, I am aware of it, I'm trying to control it, but at the same time, I don't think I'm being ridiculous when I expect people to show me understanding and acceptance that I will always show them.

So yes, I'm distant, I'm short tempered, I'm blunt and I'm saying it how it is, because I've had enough. It's already freaking March and I will take control of my life MY way, whether people are with me or not.