The Ex.

Last night, as I was driving home, this song came on the radio:

"Somebody That I Used To Know"

(feat. Kimbra)

[Gotye:]
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]
Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to know)
Somebody

Every single time I hear this song, I am reminded of my ex boyfriend (generally the purpose of the song!)

It sums it up pretty perfectly.

I haven't been able to bring myself to write much about him, if at all. The few entries in my physical journal span back to the first few months when we first broke up, and just how much I missed him. These days, it's different.

There were certainly some amazing times together. I experienced new things with him, we had adventures, my life changed quite dramatically while we were a couple. I can't deny the happy times or make them less than what they were. He did make me very happy for some parts.

For the most part though, he hurt me. He hurt my heart, my mind, my spirit, who I am as a person.

I still don't know why I stayed for as long as I did. I guess it was because I was deeply in love, I thought he was it for me. I felt so strongly that I fought and fought, no matter what he did, to make it work. In any other relationship I've had that even got a quarter to that point, I'd walk away. If it got that hard, I fucked them off with a smile and a wave. This was my lesson to learn. And learn I did.

The mental abuse, emotional abuse, the way he'd make me feel like I was stupid, insecure, that I was paranoid and irrational, that everything was my fault and I was just ridiculous. Comparing me to ex girlfriends, that I never measured up, that I wasn't good enough to please him, that I was just lacking.

I look back and I shake my head at it all.

I am an exceptionally strong woman. Physically, mentally, emotionally. He has been the only one that was able to test all 3 levels.

It was a lesson. An invaluable lesson.

Now I know the truth, I remember it, I have taken it back onto myself.

The son of a bitch was lucky to have had me.

I will never regret what we had, but I certainly will never go back to that again.

It sums it up perfectly:

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

Well, he couldn't, so I did.

He has been let go, to never return.

Thank fuck for that!