Empathy.

em·pa·thy

/ˈɛmpəθi/ Show Spelled [em-puh-thee] Show IPA

noun

1.

the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

 

(In simple terms, the ability to identify, understand and share the feelings of others.)

 

I was told once, a long time ago, that I have a gift, a power, an ability, a skill.

Omniscient Empathy.

The ability to have complete understanding and a flawless emotional connection with every person I meet in a matter of seconds due to my skills and experience.

 

I'm otherwise known as an Empath.

 

Now, whether you believe this stuff or not is really beside the point. Some people believe, some people don't.

 

Empathy is real. People being more in tune with Empathy is also real. Whether you believe that can then extend further into people being able to feel other's emotions, control them, heal them, well, that's your lesson to learn.

 

There are many websites out there that have different lists of what it means, how people are affected, etc etc. I've found this particular list quite interesting and pretty accurate for me - there are some on here that aren't but everybody is different and no one will follow lists completely.

 

This is one such list:

 

At A Glance: 30 Traits of an Empath

 1.     Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.
(People always ask me how did I know something, my standard response is that "I just do".)

2.     Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.
(I will be okay to a point, and then it'll be this overwhelming need to just get out. I get better as I get older but I used to struggle so much as a child, I hated going into shops, I'd tell my parents and sister I was allergic to clothes and people and wouldn't go in.)

 3.     Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for Empaths. To some, they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept Empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from a great distance.
(Even now, after years, I still find myself on occassion trying to seperate my feelings from someone else. I do really well when I'm not exhausted, but the more I am, the harder it is to do.)

 4.     Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an Empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.
(This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but some things really hit hard.)

 5.     You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many Empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.
(I always know if someone is bullshitting me, as my brother always said "You can't bullshit a bullshit artist", I try to avoid lying as much as possible and I can be quite gullible at times, I always want to believe people are telling me the truth, but it eventually comes out if they're not.)

 6.     Picking up physical symptoms off another: An Empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains), especially those who they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.
(I will always, without fail, pick up on my sisters headaches and migraines. It's a long-running "joke" in my family, I get a headache that isn't quite "right", like I'm having one but not, and it'll be my sister with it.)

 7.     Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where Empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an Empath, will almost always be ungrounded.
(hahahahahaha story of my fucking life!)

 8.     Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an Empath’s attention and compassion.
(Always.)

 9.     Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An Empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.
(I've lost count the number of times random strangers have told me their whole life story, and I always have to fight that balance of taking problems on for my loved ones.)

 10.    Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.
(Always.)

 11.    Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions Empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It can be a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something (external emotions).
(Yep. I get hooked on most things.)

12.    Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many Empaths would love to heal others, they can end up turning away from healing (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to Empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, Empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.
(Spot on.)

 13.   Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an Empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.
(Yes, although I wish I could draw.)

 14.    Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for Empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.
(3 dogs, a cat and a bird later, I still want more.)

 15.    Need for solitude: An Empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.
(It's not a want, it's a need.)

 16.    Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an Empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.
(You'll often hear me say I'm bored, even when life is not boring!)

 17.   Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an Empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many  Empaths get labelled as being lazy.
(Spot on. I'm really not that lazy, but my mother certainly thinks so.)

 18.   Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an Empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.
(Amen.)

 19.   Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an Empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.
(It can be an overload but I LOVE it.)

 20.  Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.
(I'm a true hippy at heart.)

 21.  Abhors clutter: It makes an Empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.
(It's true, but at the same time I'm a pack rat. I get to breaking point and de-clutter but it always builds back up.)

 22.  Loves to daydream: An Empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.
(Favourite past-time.)

 23.  Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an Empath even poisoning.
(Sometimes, but as I get older I make myself deal with it, structure and order is good when you're taking control.)

 24.  Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.
(Yep...)

 25.  Excellent listener: An Empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.
(That's why I always deflect questions off of me and get people to talk about themselves. With the people in my heart though, I tell them whatever they want to know.)

 26.  Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, Empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.
(Ooooh they shit me!)

 27.   The ability to feel the days of the week: An Empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.
(I thought everyone had this?)

 28.   Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An Empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.
(This isn't a problem for me for the most part, if someone has bad jo-jo on it I avoid it but otherwise it's fine.)

 29.   Sense the energy of food: Many Empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.
(It doesn't stop me, I LOVE meat.)

 30.   Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an Empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.
(Very much so but again, after years of practice, it's second nature now. It's a big problem sometimes, I am an extremely moody person on occassion, but it's all about the practice.)

If you can say yes to at least 10 of these traits (especially 1 to 10), you could very well be an Empath.

Empaths may carry many of the same traits but they/we are still individuals.  We can override or block certain traits and some traits will come and go over the years (strengthen or weaken) as life circumstances change. Once one has become aware of one’s birthright of being an Empath (this will normally happen when any, or all, of the above traits start screaming at you for attention), it is then we can find remedies to ease symptoms and perhaps discover what our true role in life is.



So the reason why I'm discussing this today is because, lately, it's been hard.
I'm so very tired, I'm on a new medication that's fucking with my hormones - which then fucks with your emotions, and my logical side is being worked overtime to try and control the emotions, that aren't my own.

I just want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't want to be. I want to keep the people in my life that give me relief and sactuary from the shit but I get moody and emotional with them and they don't deserve that.

It's all over the place.

It'll re-balance out, I'm very good at controlling this for the most part, but at times, when I struggle, I wish I could explain why. Until *I* can figure it out though, I don't know where to start.

So until then, I keep embracing the logic to control the emotional and keep striving for my balance.

Peace? Peace. I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee.

Peace.

I love peace. I strive for peace.

I strive for people to surround me with the same ideals.
It's one thing to say it.
You need to show it.

Numerous conversations have been had just this morning.
It's one of those days.
Contemplative.

The general gist of conversation has been peace, balance, friendships, and the choices we make.
How things can change so drastically in spans of months, weeks, days.
How friendships come and go, and what that means.
How the people we choose to spend our lives with balance us, enlighten and enrich us, and what we are willing to do and not do.

I have, on occassion, been accused of being a "friend hopper" (yes my friends, we may leave high school but high school never leaves us!).

Now, the whole concept of being a friend hopper really pisses me off.
I, and so many others, understand and appreciate the reality that people cannot and do not live in each others pockets 24/7. Friends are allowed to have other friends, friends are allowed to go periods of time without having to talk, see each other, be part of their lives.

Now, don't get me wrong. Each and every one of my friends is part of my life regardless.

But please, balance people.

My "bff" and I have been friends for 20 years. We can go weeks without talking and know that, no matter what, we are just a call, a text, a visit away. There are no complications, EVER, there is no jealousy, resentment, no need for justification or exuses. It is what it is.

I find that with the people I make the choice to keep in my life, are fitting into the same pattern. This makes me exceedingly happy.
People need to understand this concept. They really do. This, is peace.
This is what it's all about.

A few people that are unable to understand this have slowly been let go of. People that are so needy and dependant on having attention and affection of anyone and everyone in their lives.

I am quite content to be left alone, even crave it at times.
People who are content in their own company is something that people in this world cannot even contemplate, let alone do.

It astounds me though, their behavour. The world won't end if someone isn't paying attention to you.
They think it will, but if anything, it's when you aren't looking for it and demanding it, you get it the most.
These people have to receive attention, good, bad or ugly, because if they have people talking about them, to them, they won't disappear.

But, we are not imaginary.

We are all very much here.

"You're no one until someone talks about you" is the mentality they seem to have.

That mentality is not peace, it is not enlightenment.
Happiness and peace gets thrown in the "too hard" basket.
What they don't seem to realise is that, when you embrace it, it makes everything that much better.

You can choose your mentality.

And whether it's easier or not, you embrace it and you go with it.
It comes as it comes.

You are never given more than you can handle.

Ever.

The people who shun that, think that it's all too hard, will keep having it thrown at them until they realise they can, and then it's done.

It's as simple and as difficult as that.

Peace.

Tuesdays with Morrie

It's funny.
I always end up thinking about this on a Tuesday.
As a reminder to myself of what's really important in life.
Some things, when you read them, change you. Morph you. Open you up to another way of thinking, feeling, knowing.
This book did exactly that for me.

'Tuesdays with Morrie' is a non-fiction book written by Mitch Albom that recounts the time he spent with his 78 year old sociology professor who was dying. The book goes on to talk about the conversations they had and let me tell you, if I could have these conversations everyday for the rest of my life, it would be blissful.

I found a few of the quotes and wanted to list them below, to share, to remember.

If you get a chance, please read this book. It's just beautiful.

• "Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back."
• "You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven't found meaning. Because if you’ve find meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward."
• "When you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
• "Death ends a life, not a relationship."
• "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."
• "Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling."
• "Death: the only true emotion felt in an apathetic world"
• "Love wins. Love always wins."
• "As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you'd always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it."
• "Love each other or perish."
• "Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."
• "Don't hang on too long, but don't let go too soon."
• "Without love, we are birds with broken wings."
• "Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?"
• "If the culture doesn't work, don't buy it."
• "If we can remember the feeling of love we once had, we can die without ever going away."
• "What is it about silence that makes people uneasy?"
• "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
• "When you're in bed, you're dead."

Music Flashback!

Does anybody remember this song?

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be  it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by  scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable  than my own meandering  experience…

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not  understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and  recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before  you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as  effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing  bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that  never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank tatements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…

even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;

live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

When I was in high school it was one of my absolute favourites to listen to. I know the words off by heart and the other day when the lovely Eva sent me this image, it instantly popped back into my head and made itself at home again.

 

                                Bits of Truth

It really is such a unique song and I think that everyone should listen to it, make their friends listen to it, and especially make their kids listen to it.

It'll make you feel better. <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ

45 LIFE LESSONS, WRITTEN BY A 90 YEAR OLD

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose Life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.