45 LIFE LESSONS, WRITTEN BY A 90 YEAR OLD

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose Life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

What it takes to exist inside my bubble...

(I started writing this back in the beginning of November and forgot to finish and publish it... I'm going to finish it now (a month later) and get it out to the universe to work it's magic.


I live in a bubble of happiness and love and acceptance with my soul sisters. I can be who I am and know that it will accepted with total love, honesty and respect. Those things should flow through to every aspect of my life and from anyone who wants to live in my bubble.

The last few weeks have been a reflective time for me when it comes to my own happiness and whether I'm ready for a relationship or not.

Last night, I had to have the "talk" with a good friend of mine who has admitted he has feelings for me. Thankfully he is someone who holds those values towards me as my sisters do, of love, honesty and respect, so it wasn't as awkward as it could have been.

From all this though, I've still been thinking. I wrote about the top 5 traits I need from a partner from a level of characteristics they need to have.

I look though at how my brothers treat their girlfriends, wives, partners etc, and I look at the relationships my soul sisters have with the gorgeous men that have been blessed to exist in their bubbles, and I want that. When I'm ready,  I want that.

I want someone who will make me laugh so much I cry.
I want someone who will listen to my crap and actually listen and not judge.
I want someone who will remember the things I tell them.
I want someone who will be able to read me when I don't tell them.
I want someone who will want to drive me around but be happy to let me when I have the whim to.
I want someone who will treat me like I am the most important person in their life.
I want someone who will put me first.
I want someone who will give me the freedom I need and trust me to make my own decisions.
I want someone who will want to make decisions with me.
I want someone who will stand up for me, protect me, be on my side.
I want someone who will give me a massage when my back aches and I just want to cry.
I want someone who will play with my hair and tickle me even when I wack them for doing it.
I want someone who will know when no means no and when no means maybe.
I want someone who will be content to sit in silence with me or talk shit with me for hours.
I want someone that will fit into my life like my soul sisters have.
I want someone that when I look at them, they give me the good kind of shivers.
I want someone that looks at me like I give them the good kind of shivers.
I want someone who will like similiar sorts of things I do but also have their own interests and be able to accept that we are different, and be happy with that.
I want someone who will accept me, all of me, and love me because of those things.

I want Jesse, from Pitch Perfect. That to me, is my perfect man. Gorgeous, ridiculously funny, wants to look after and be there, actually cares and most importantly, is happy to be himself and content in who he is. Having their favourite movie as The Breakfast Club as well just seals the deal for me. Wow, just wow. If that character existed in real life, exactly like that, and was actually into me, I'd marry them in a heart beat.

Top 5 Songs

Music.

Music is what feelings sound like.

Music sooths my soul.

Music makes me so very happy.

It's hard to narrow down just a Top 5 when it comes to music (with a lot of things really), even now I find songs that I would throw on the list instead, but sometimes you just need to pick something and stick with it!

These songs below, they all have a deeper meaning for me. All of them - from the lyrics, the beat, the vibe and feeling they give me - this is what makes these songs so important to me.
Top 5 Songs

• 'Heaven Coming Down' by The Tea Party

(I cannot remember where or how I found this song, it's been years and years that I've known and loved it. This is the song I would specify as my favourite if I ever went on one of those game shows where you go with a partner and they need to know things about you.)

 

With nothing to do you'd waste away

Obscure in exile

They've witnessed the times

You've gone astray

Whose fault? now you're thinking...

Theres's nothing to prove

A message from the crowd

To the shore...

And it feels now

Just like heaven's coming down

Your soul shakes free

As its conscience hits the ground

So strange are the ways,

They all have changed

Still life it stays the same

A break from the past

Could make it last

Maybe just a little longer

There's nothing to prove

A message from the crowd

To the shore...

You surrender

Love under will

Rest assured you're adored

And it feels now

Just lie heaven's coming down

Your soul shakes free

As its conscience hits the ground

These signs, this fate

Takes a path you didn't choose

Stay Strong, Keep Faith

There is a change that's

Coming through

Hold on my love

Hold on...

• 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds

(I first heard this song when I first watched 'The Breakfast Club' and I fell instantly in love with it. I could listen to this song every day for the rest of my life and never get sick of it.)

Hey, hey, hey, hey Ooh, oh

Won't you come see about me?

I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out

And love's strange so real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't you forget about me

Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't you forget about me

Will you stand above me?

Look my way, never love me

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down

Will you recognize me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey Ooh, oh

Don't you try to pretend

It's my feeling, we'll win in the end

I won't harm you or touch your defenses

Vanity and security

Don't you forget about me

I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby

Going to take you apart

I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't you forget about me

Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't you forget about me

As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

As you walk on by

Will you call my name?

When you walk away

Or will you walk away?

Will you walk on by?

Come on, call my name

Will you call my name?

I say, la la la

When you walk on by

And you call my name

• 'I've Got to Break Free' by Queen

(Queen are my favourite band. I know every song off by heart and will belt them out with no hesitation. This one is one of my favourites of theirs, I've always felt connected to this song because I've always wanted to break free.)

I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self-satisfied I don't need you
I got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true (hey yea)
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without, living without you
by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see
I've got to break free

I've got to break free
I want to break free, yeah

I want, I want, I want, I want to break free …

• 'Learning to Fly' by Pink Floyd

(I've listened to Pink Floyd for a very long time but there's this particular memory that will always stick with me. It was November 2003, pretty much around this time, and I had just left school, just turned 17 and was working full time for my brother. It was Melbourne Cup day so he sent me home early and I had time to kill so I went into this little hole in the wall shop on George St in the city, where they sold books and CD's etc. I picked up the Pink Floyd Album "Pulse" and went home and listened to it for hours. It was my first paycheck from a proper full time job outside of school and it was the first thing I brought. Pink Floyd will always hold a place in my heart.

Plus, I have always wanted to get "Earth-Bound Misfit" tattooed on me.)

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast,
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought, I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension -- that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss

Can't keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

• 'Purple Rain' by Prince/'Kiss From a Rose' by Seal

(I've always been a big Prince fan and generally love all the songs equally but the lyrics to this one have always struck a cord with me.)

'Purple Rain' by Prince

I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
I never meant to cause you any pain.
I only wanted to one time see you laughing.
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.

I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain.

I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby I could never steal you from another.
It's such a shame our friendship had to end.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.

I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain.

Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing.
It's time we all reach out for something new,
That means you too.
You say you want a leader,
But you can't seem to make up your mind.
I think you better close it,
And let me guide you to the purple rain.

Purple rain, purple rain.
Purple rain, purple rain.

If you know what I'm singing about up here.
C'mon raise your hand.

Purple rain, purple rain.

I only want to see you, only want to see you.

(I first heard this song when I watched Batman - I LOVE Batman! - and I've always really really liked it. For a long time I wanted this song to be my wedding's first dance song, it might still be :} )

'Kiss From a Rose' by Seal

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
The stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the gray.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the gray,
I've been kissed by a rose on the gray,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the gray,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the gray.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the gray.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the gray
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the gray.

All Hallow's Eve

Halloween.

It's my favourite time of year. One day I will make it to America and spend this day in Salem, it's on my bucket list.

The amulet I'm wearing on this day is a very precious and powerful one (See below). Whenever I wear this, it morphes me, it focuses me, it flows through me insights I have always had and are in me, but compels me to let them out.

I can feel, via the amulet and on this day, energies and power that are literally in me, my skin tingles, my spirit soars, and life is beautiful.

It has made me think.

Last night April said to me that she has never met anyone who is so happy and content in being single. That the confidence I have is amazing and I show that you don't need someone in your life to make you happy, I've found it within myself and my friends.

This gave me pause.

I was genuinely surprised and shocked.

Why hadn't this occurred to me before? Why is this only coming into awareness now?

All my life, within myself and what my family would say to me, was that I needed to be with someone. I have to be in a relationship, I have to have a family and make babies and do all that shit. I'm Greek, it's expected.
From 17 to 22 I was in a relationship, we were going to get married and be together forever. It ended for various reasons, my own and his, what was done was done and it would never have been a forever thing.
From 22 to 24 I fell off the rails. I was sleeping around, I was in and out of relationships, I never spent much of that time single but I wasn't in the headspace of having a commited relationship that lasted longer than 6 months.
Then I met Dan. We started dating when I was 24, in a official relationship when I was 25, and we broke up before I turned 26.

The last 5 months I've been single.

And it's been a revelation.

I have grown into who I am as a person. I have discovered love in people that have now become my family. I have found me.

Am I happy though?

In a lot of ways, I am. I love my freedom, I love my sisters and I love that *I* get to decide what I want to do and not have to answer to anyone else. It's fucking awesome.

On the flip side, I miss having a companion. I realise though, companion doesn't have to mean a boyfriend. I refuse to do what I did before and have casual "friends" for those needs, it's soul destroying, I cannot do it. So I seek companionship within my family and friends, and I make the right choices for me.

So, to summerise:
I've realised a part of me is missing.
Until I find that part of me,
None of me will be given to anyone.
I am my own being.
Love will come in it's truest form,
When I hold love for myself.


Have a safe and Blessed Halloween and enjoy the magick this day brings.




(I can't flip it around :/ )

A Top 5 list of Top 5's!

I work in Top 5's. I struggle picking just one thing and the list can sometimes change, but the top 5 are here!

What I'm going to do is list them all here and then dedicate posts to them with more detail, this is my life in a list right here!

1. Top 5 Songs

• 'Heaven Coming Down' by The Tea Party
• 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds
• 'I've Got to Break Free' by Queen
• 'Learning to Fly' by Pink Floyd
• 'Purple Rain' by Prince/Kiss From a Rose' by Seal

(I'm well aware that counts as 6 songs however the last 2 tend to go hand in hand when it comes to favourites, sometimes I'm just not feeling either one so they alternate!)

2. Top 5 Movies

• Labyrinth
• The Breakfast Club
• Avengers
• Empire Records
• The Princess Bride

3. Top 5 Authors

• Traci Harding
• Raymond E. Feist
• Isobelle Carmody
• Laurell K. Hamilton
• Nora Roberts

4. Top 5 Food (this is going to be a big one because I have the general and then specifics in each category hahaha)

• Carbs!
• Pasta
• Bread
• Baked goods
• Rice
• Cereal
• Fruit
• Lychees
• Peaches
• Mangos
• Cherries
• Figs
• Meat
• Chicken
• Lamb
• Beef
• Pork
• Turky
• Seafood
• Crab
• Lobster
• Prawns
• Pippies
• Scallops
• Dairy
• Cheese
• Milk
• Ice Cream
• Chocolate
• Cream

5. Top 5 Sayings/Quotes

• "To Thine Own Self be True"
• "I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, & the next thing, & the next thing,& maybe one day, I turn around & realise I’m ready. I’m cookies."
• "My life closed twice before its close;
  It yet remains to see
  If Immortality unveil
  A third event to me,
  So huge, so hopeless to conceive,
  As these that twice befell.
  Parting is all we know of heaven,
  And all we need of hell."
• "The bottom is is that
  (a) People are never perfect, but love can be
  (b) That is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and
  (c) Doing that makes it that.
  We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
• "There are people who would quickly love each other if once they were to speak to each other; for when they spoke they would discover that their souls had only been seperated by phantoms and delusions."

 Well, there you have it! The top 5 things that mean a lot to me in their Top 5 glory!

They'll get individual blogs for more details because to me, this stuff counts. It's important. I don't want to forget any of it.

Perspective...

I'm not sure when I actually became a grown up.
Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really a child.
Life just kept happening and innnocence was never my thing.
Its all about perspective I guess.
I look back at all the things I wanted to be, have, do, and I realised somewhere along the way that, I've done it. The things that matter, the things that count, it's happened.
I am finally a grown up.
An adult.
It scares the shit out of me.
Its all about perspective.
My perspective.

Hello... Is it me you've been looking for?

Lately the discussion with my soul sisters has been around what it is I am looking for in a man, a partner, a relationship.

They asked me what my list of criterias are for, not perfect but, the ideal man for me. They were surprised when I told them I didn't really have a list, I've always had an "idea" of what I want, but never really sat down and *thought* about it.

So, today, that is exactly what I'm going to do. I am going to list down the qualities I want and need, the fundamentals and necessities of what will make me be happiest. That's the most important thing!

Intelligence. This is a deal breaker for me. If they are not intelligent, if I cannot hold a conversation with them and be able to talk about anything and everything, I cannot  bring myself to commit in any way, shape or form.

Respect. There has to be a high level of respect not just for/to me, but for themselves. If you do not respect yourself, you cannot respect others, and I do not want anything to do with someone who is disrespectful.

Physical. I crave this. I love to touch, stroke, cuddle, make some form of physical contact with people I care about. A rub on the back, holding hands, a cuddle, whatever. Physical contact speaks louder than words sometimes and I want someone who is both verbal and physical.

Acceptance. You'd think this would be a common trait in people, but it's really not. Whether people are on a different path of life, faith, circumstances or general wellbeing, there needs to be acceptance. We do not need to agree on everything, we do not need to be the same in everything, but they need to be able to accept who and what I am and love me regardless.

Love. This, above all else, is key. I want love. I want someone to look at me and think that I am the bee's knees, rock their socks, that I am a queen in their eyes. I want someone to love me for me, flaws and perfections all, me.

Some people may write a list of physical attributes, personality traits, a specific religious belief or culture and sure, these things are necessary to an extent.
If they do not hold all of the above though, I will not be with them.
I will not give them my heart, for it is a precious thing and worthy of all this and more.
I know that now.
And I will not give in for anything less.

It's my Birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

Oh boy. What a year. What a birthday! There is so much to say, to let go of, to put in writing and let be free. However, this blog, this blog is to share the best present I've ever been given in my entire life. This is to share something that makes me want to cry and cry, because it's just so fucking amazing.

Eva wrote me something for my birthday.

She put down in writing how she sees me.

Here it is.

Me. <3

There is this woman I know...

She is unlike anyone on this earth.

She has grown from all life has delivered; she has risen to every challenge.

This woman changes everything.

There is this woman I know...

For years I have watched her move in and out of circles.

Some call it nomadic, I call it multifaceted...

When the rest of the world around her searches for a place to belong, she has discovered that her place is everywhere.

Everywhere as long as she remains true to her heart, true to her soul.

There is this woman I know...

She sees the good and bad in all things.

At times, her emotion takes over & life seems overwhelming...

Then her logic embraces her heart, she tells her inner voice 'I got this' and out of the ashes, she rises.

And life is all her making, all her construction.

There is this woman I know...

Afraid and accepting of change all at once.

With all tribulations that have left her feeling as though she is in a world of darkness, she has overcome her fear of change & accepted that it is inevitable.

The fierce determination with in her can sometimes be mistaken for stubbornness.

But really, she is following the blaze in her heart that screams 'I will not let this determine who I am. I decide who I am'...

And who she is... She is a force to be reckoned with.

There is this woman I know...

Her heart is bigger than anyone, even me, can comprehend.

God made her in his image...

God made her perfect for her purpose.

God made her in a way that brings life & love to all she encounters, all she connects with...

God made her in a way that she is a blessing to all who know her.

And she has no idea...

There is this woman I know...

She would lay down her life for her friends, the family of her soul, the circle of her truth.

She has this aura that compels those around her to open up & show her their true colours.

And when this happens, the colour of her life, her being shines on the world and leaves those around her changed, affected, unable to return to a life where a connection to this woman did not exist.

There is this woman I know...

She is filled with honestly, loyalty and love.

She lives deep within the core of acceptance and leads by example.

She is passionate about justice - for her beloved family of her soul...

There was a time where life & love was about her beloveds, a time where the pendulum swung on their direction & never quite bounced back to her.

Now, through light & darkness, change & acceptance, weakness & strength, out of the ashes she has brought the pendulum back to her.

Her passion and justice not only extends to her beloveds... But now, more than ever, and possibly for the first time in her life, her passion and justice starts with her.

It belongs with her.

It lives within her.

It loves within her.

There is this woman I know...

She is strong & vulnerable.

She is convicted yet open to possibilities.

She is open yet protective.

She is gentle yet forceful.

She is a dreamer and a realist.

She is proud, as she should be, yet she is humble.

She loves without condition.

She loves without regret.

She holds her head high & faces the world around her with an attitude of learning, of experience, and a wonder for what this roller coaster of life has in store for her next.

She is all these things, more one day or less the next, but this woman is a perfect balance of all the qualities in life that many long to hold & possess.

There is this woman I know...

Kindness is just the tip of her soul.

Belief runs cursively through her veins.

No matter the adversity, no matter the test, she holds onto her kindness and her belief that there is a reason behind it all.

That's not to say that he isn't tempted to knock someone out...

But she knows now that that's not who she is or wants to be.

She believes she is better...

And lord almighty, she IS better).

There is this woman I know...

Her laugh is infectious.

Her smile is pure divinity.

Her humour leaves those around her breathless, stupefied, in tears if laughter.... She finds the humour in even darkness & turns it to light.

Even when she is inappropriate... She is perfect. She is hilarious. She elicits all of this in all she encounters.

She makes the world filled with happy and& harmony with the light in her existence.

There is this woman I know...

She is unlike anyone on this earth.

She lives, breathes, and exists according to the beat of her heart,

No matter her surroundings, no matter her circumstance.

She happens to life, and the lives of those around her in the greatest of ways:

Uplifting, encouraging, empowering, unyielding, and so extremely engaging.

She is the embodiment of transformation.

She is the pure definition of what it means to be a woman.

She is the heart and soul of the world around her,,,

She is the phoenix rising, the butterfly taking flight, the sunshine before, during and after the rain.

This woman I know is my dearest.

This woman is my companion.

This woman is the sister of my soul.

This woman is you.

Now you're just somebody that I used to know.

Today, a friendship ended.

It ended because I decided my well-being was more important. That for once, *I* need to come first.

It's funny, with everyone else, this has never been an issue.

With my soul sisters and brothers, we celebrate each other, we put each other first but never to the detriment of ourselves, it's how it's meant to be.

With this friend, that was not possible. So I gave, and I gave, and in the end I gave everything I had. It was never enough.

The final straw was on Sunday. I got my 6th tattoo, one that has so much significance to my life that it's not just branded on my skin, it's branded on my heart and soul. Instead of celebrating this with me, for me, this friend decided to cause drama. Petty, ridiculous drama. All because I went with 2 of my best friends and they weren't invited, because we 3 had such a powerful and emotional weekend together we wanted to keep it going, we wanted to love, and laugh, and just. Be. Happy.

The jealousy and resentment for a situation they created entirely for themselves spilled into what should have been a joyous occasion. I had it for all of 5 minutes before her poison intruded. I might sound harsh, but in reality, that's exactly what it is. The negativity, the constant drama, the sheer emotional avalanche this person would put on us, got to boiling point.

They made the mistake of not saying these things to me but to my closest male friend. I know he is fiercely protective of me, as I am of him. He didn't want to tell me what they was saying, he didn't want to tell me anything at all, but I could read it on his face in an instant.
And it was enough.

Yesterday, it continued on. For all intents and purposes, I had no idea, because again nothing was being said TO me, it was being said behind my back. From someone who was supposed to be like family to me, from someone who I had confided in and been confided into in return. I left it though, I let him handle it.

This morning. I get an email. Basically telling me that I'm a shit friend and that they'd be better off without me. Well you know what? I am SO much better off without them. I have a life. I have happiness and laughter and love surrounding me in such a perfect way.
I will not let anything ruin that.
I will not let the hatred and jealousy and self-loathing this person feels affect me anymore.
I will not do it.
I am sad.
I am exceedingly sad because when this friendship was good, it was great. It was fun, it was easy, it was nice.

I have to stick true to my principles though, and one of the biggest ones I have is that when the good outweigh the bad, it will always be worth it, no matter how hard.
In this case, the bad was far outweighing the good.

So now, they're just somebody that I used to know.

Zzzzz

I'm just tired all. the. time. I wake up tired, I go to work tired, I drive tired, I eat tired, I get back into bed and I'm tired. I try to sleep, nothing happens.

I have sleep apnea. It's not fun. I used to stop breathing in my sleep all the time and snored like a hibernating bear, it was ridiculous. Now that I've gotten my tonsils out (and nearly died in the process due to bleeding half to death 2 weeks later when I shouldn't have), I don't snore anymore and I don't really stop breathing. The damage is done though. After most of my life with lack of sleep, lack of oxygen while sleeping, all the crap that goes along with it, I'm fucked. I will still fall asleep in any situation. I have been at heavy metal rock concerts and fallen asleep. I can't go to meetings without having a bottle of water or something with me so I can keep myself entertained, or I'll fall asleep. I've gotten used to it, it's been 20 years, but it's frustrating. One day I want to wake up feeling refreshed and awake. One day I want to know what it feels like to stay awake and alert without any stimulants helping me. One day I want to be able to function like a normal human being (whatever that means) and just sleep.

One of my many vices...

What can I say. It's a bad habit, one that I've been doing since I was 12 years old. I've tried to quit a few times, this sums it up pretty well every. single. time.

So, one day I will attempt it again. Once I stop enjoying it so much, or when I decide it's time to make babies. One day!

We are Family! (Part 2)

So.

Family.

We gotta love them right? They're our blood. Doesn't mean we have to actually like them though!

Haha, I kid I kid. Sort of.

My dad and I get on. We're very similiar in that we just want life to be simple and drama free and just have fun. He's also a typical old school wog dad. So in that aspect, we drive each other crazy. He's at least now, finally, starting to let me do what I like. Mostly because I don't listen to him anyway! He's still my daddy though and I love him dearly.

Then, there is my mother. It's been determined that we are capable of spending 2 hours together without any fighting. After that 2 hour mark, all hell breaks lose. I am my mothers daughter, there is no denying that, however the aspects that I hate about her, I strive very hard to not do in my own life, within myself. She feels that I'm just being a bitch. Well, she'd know! I do love my mother, she has done a lot for me in her own way and I'll always be her baby so she can't help but be how she is, I get it. I just refuse to do half the things she did to me to my own children, for their own sanity.

My sister is 8 years older then me. She pretty much raised me as mum and dad were always working. She taught me how to read and write and most of the things I'm interested in are because she introduced me to them. I worshiped my sister my whole life, to me she was the coolest person I knew and I would talk about her to everyone. As I've grown up though, it seems to have shifted. I now seem to be the cooler one, the one she always talks about etc. It's a little sad, I feel like I've lost the one person I could always turn to for help and support (from a family perspective - she now turns to me). It's okay though, that's what family is for right?

Then there is my brother, who is 11 years older. What can I say about him... We have an intersting relationship. We are also very similiar (he and I take after mum while my sister takes after dad) and because of this, we clash, a lot. I alternate between thinking he's this awesome dude to wanting to punch his face in and never speak to him again. It's hard. We've had a lot of drama, he's done a lot of things to me and my parents. No matter how I feel towards them, if anyone ever disrespects them or treats them badly, I see red. He's done both. So, we're strained. It may pass one day, until then, we do what we have to do.

Overall, I love my family very much. I do, I can't not. I just sometimes wish things were different. But they're not, so you work with what you've got!

We are family! (part 1)

When it comes to family, there are 2 parts to this for me.

I have my blood relatives, who are my immediate family, and there is my actual family, the people I have chosen for myself and my life, my friends.

These are the people who have said this to me. The ones that hold my hand when I need it and push me along when I feel like I can't anymore.

They are my soul sisters. Without them, life would be a pretty fucking boring place!

Firstly, there is Eva. Oh Eva... She is the light of my soul. This woman is the bee's knees, rocks my socks, just an absolute superstar. There is no one I have met who is wiser, nicer, smarter, prettier, I don't know, maybe I'm biased, because she is my best friend, either way, Eva is the bomb dot com! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would have gotten there eventually, I am a strong capable woman, but she just added that extra bit I needed, the person being there saying "I know you can do this" to really push me on my way. I will be forever humbled and honoured having her in my life. Fuck I love you!

Next, we have Renee. Oh gosh, her and I... This is my Greek bestie, the one I feel closest to from that level. Having someone be able to relate, know what it was like growing up in a Greek household, talking the same language, eating the same food, listening to the same music, it makes a difference. We understand each other in ways that others can't because of our mindsets, how we deal with situations, how we view life, everything. There is nothing I can't tell this woman and know that she won't judge me (None of them do!), she'll understand and most importantly, she'll understand even when I cannot find the words to explain why I feel a certain way, or handled a certain thing. It's just nice, really really nice. I might not be much of a wog, but when I am, it's brilliant having someone I can share that with.

Moving on to April. She's my little polly pocket firecracker. She's the smallest, loudest, and just a bundle of hyperactivness that I absolutely adore. We can sit for hours and talk shit and laugh and laugh. We clicked from day dot, we are so completely different in looks and circumstances but we go together like white on rice. When we want to be serious, we are, but when we want to be silly, there is no one more fun! We have the type of sisterhood that if we annoy each other, we straight out say it, if we have a problem, we can always rely on each other, and if we just want to call up and say 'I love you', we do so with no hesitation or worry. We're tight, we're all gangsta and shit and we just work.

There are so many others, girls I've known for 20 years and are still best friends with, girls from work that are not just work friends anymore, girls from high school and different aspects of interests I've had over the years and we've stayed together.

Each and every one of these ladies mean the world to me, and without them, I wouldn't be me.

Let's not forget the guys either! They're there, they're awesome and it's funny, growing up I always had more male friends then female, chicks irritated the fuck out of me. Now though, I wouldn't give up my sisters for all the riches in the world. <3

Me, in a nutshell (How did I end up in here?!)

I am 25, turning 26 in a few weeks. (This makes me a Libran baby and all the frustration that goes with it, never ask me to make a decision!)

Last week I finally got my P's (Provisional) License on the Monday and brought my first car on the Thursday - this makes me extremely happy!

I am left handed.

I am the youngest sibling with an older sister (8yrs difference) and an older brother (11yrs difference). They are both married with children so my mother expects me to start popping them out soon too... Unless an Angel comes along and knocks me up, that's not going to happen.

I am single.

When it comes to my hair, I am a charmeleon. I've had it long, short, blond, black, red, purple, extensions, parts shaved, two tone, foiled, streaks, fringe, you name it, I've had it, and that's just in the last year. Currently, it is red and growing it out naturally long. I'm itching to do something with it again but we will see. My normal hair colour is dark brown.

In case you didn't catch on, I am Greek. My parents migrated over here when they were younger, and I was born here in Australia. I love this country, I really do, we have everything you could ever ask for - deserts, beaches, cities, tropial rainforests, bushland, snow, all of it. In my heart though, Greece will always be my mother country, no matter how bad it gets over there.

I have a good job. I'm a Retail Relationship Consultant in the finance industry for one of the big banks. I help people invest their money when they don't want to go through a financial planner. If you told me when I was younger that this is where I was going to end up, with a Diploma in Financial Planning and dealing with multi-million dollar clients, I would have laughed hysterically. I wanted to be a hairdresser. Maybe one day I still will be.

I never finished high school. I left at the end of year 11 and didn't do my final year. I do not regret this decision in the slightest. I got to go to Greece for 3 months instead and experience the big bad world most of my friends are only now starting to see. It makes me sad sometimes that I've lived through all the trials and tribulations when I should have been young and dumb, I get over it pretty quickly though. I don't do young and dumb very well.

I have 5 tattoos. I have another 10 on my list that I'm going to get. Tattoos to me are magical. They have depth and meaning and they help remind me of the path I've taken, the experiences I've had and where I want my life to go. Each one has a story, has a deeper meaning, has the power to humble me and lift me up with each step I take and path I stumble down. Magic.

I believe in a Higher Power. I do wholeheartedly. I believe in reincarnation and Heaven and Hell and in Angels and Demons, in Faeries and Magic, in the spiritual and mystical, I believe that there are many Gods and Goddesses and I believe, at the end of it all, they are all One. They all lead to that same Higher Power. You can call it whatever you like, it is known by different names, but it is there, and it is all there is. I will wear a cross, I will wear a pentagram, I will walk outside and worship nature and I will walk inside and worship in a church. I will take communion, I will cast a circle of power, I will do and be all there is, to worship the one that leads my way. Some may call me a Witch, some a Pagan, some Greek Orthodox, some a Christian, even on occassion a devil worshiper. I am all those things and none (I do not worship the Devil), at the end of the day my faith and beliefs are my own and I do not answer to anyone but myself and my soul.

I am me, in a nutshell.

Beginnings...

Well!

Here we are.

A brand new blog.

This isn't my first, it certainly won't be my last, however for now, for this moment in time, this is the best medium for me to use.

So come on in, keep all arms and legs within the designated areas and hang on tight, it's going to be one hell of a ride!