I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I last posted something.
Time just seems to keep getting away from me.
There is always something on, something to do, somewhere to be, busy busy little bee!
I'm kinda bored at work today. I feel tired and restless and just want to go outside and play in the sunshine.
Tonight I'm meeting Dominics' friends for the first time. which is a little scary! He thinks they'll love me and I really hope they do. I come across intimidating to people and I never mean to... I'm just going to try and tone it down and NOT GET DRUNK! Not even Dominic has met that side of me yet and the poor guy wouldn't know how to handle it.
On Sunday it's Greek Easter. I can't believe this year it's over a month difference between the 2. I'm really looking forward to it this year though; it feels different not living at home and going there for it. I'm staying for the weekend but it'll feel like a mini holiday, compared to just another weekend at home. Plus, I'm finally being able to eat more foods than I have been for awhile so I can't wait to just stuff my face!
I went to Canberra last weekend with Dominic for our first little holiday together. It was just so much fun! We had a roadtrip down, singing away and being dorks. Stayed at a lovely hotel and went shopping and out for dinner and drinks. Went to a farmers market too which was fantastic! Got to catch up with Cher and it was just all such great fun. Spending time with Dominic, going on adventures or even just staying in, is always so nice!
In the next couple of weekends I'm going away up the central coast and I can't wait!
There's just lots going on but thankfully, I'm holding strong and feeling better and enjoying the shenanigans.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Another day, another change.
I officially have a boyfriend.
Like, Facebook official and all.
I'm still not entirely sure I'm awake right now, but if this is a dream, I do NOT want to wake up.
In the span of a month, I've found someone who just... I don't even know how to describe it.
Fate?
Destiny?
Those words can seem scary, full on, intense.
This is me though.
I live by these.
Fate.
Destiny.
It's all still new and wonderful and lots to learn.
What I do know though, with no doubt in my mind, is that...
This is different.
This will make a difference to me, in some way.
Magic.
Like, Facebook official and all.
I'm still not entirely sure I'm awake right now, but if this is a dream, I do NOT want to wake up.
In the span of a month, I've found someone who just... I don't even know how to describe it.
Fate?
Destiny?
Those words can seem scary, full on, intense.
This is me though.
I live by these.
Fate.
Destiny.
It's all still new and wonderful and lots to learn.
What I do know though, with no doubt in my mind, is that...
This is different.
This will make a difference to me, in some way.
Magic.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Libra horoscope for Apr 12 2013
"Looks aren't everything. We all know that. Still, everyone seeks out people or situations that are appealing on an aesthetic level. But what is appealing is truly in the eye of the beholder. You may find a certain situation or a certain purchase you're considering to be very appealing, but someone you love doesn't get what you see in it. So what? Does it really matter? If something is truly appealing to you, then you shouldn't need a jury to come to the same conclusion. If it brings you pleasure, or brightens your life in some way, then revel in it."
My Star Sign is eerily accurate today.
For the first time, in a long time, I do not feel the need to seek approval from anyone else.
It's such a liberating feeling!
I'm happy :) And that's all that matters to me.
My Star Sign is eerily accurate today.
For the first time, in a long time, I do not feel the need to seek approval from anyone else.
It's such a liberating feeling!
I'm happy :) And that's all that matters to me.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Everything comes in 3's!
One week.
This time, it's taken one week for my life to completely change.
They say everything comes in threes. I've believed this my whole life, I've lived this my whole life; this week just proves the point more than it ever could have been before.
Firstly, April and I have officially found our new home! I am so fucking excited. It's an absolutely gorgeous 4 bedroom Federation house that's been newly renovated, it's fucking stunning. In exactly one week we will have the keys, be moved in and starting a completely new book in my life!
I can't wait.
Secondly. Over the last 6-12 months (well, I've had this problem for years, but it's been worse in the last 12 months) I've been really sick in my stomach. Constantly being sick, becoming allergic to food I'd never had a problem with before, a lot of crazy stuff. I finally got a referral to a specialist and got sent to hospital for day surgery to check out all my insides.
I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease.
A part of me is devastated of course, but, a big part of me is actually really relieved! I finally have answers. I finally know what's wrong with me and what I can do to fix it. No more guessing games, no more stress and constantly being ill.
It's not great, but it's finally a solid answer to how I can change my life for the good.
And finally, Thirdly.
Wow. Just wow.
I'm never usually one to talk about someone so soon, not in writing like this anyway.
It's just been such a whirlwind though, I'm stunned, blown away, completely fucking smitten.
Since my last post, about the guy I've had my eye on for months from the train, it's like a fucking movie.
Kissing him is like a drug, I can't get enough.
He has taken me on 3 dates already, each better than the last.
The 3rd date though, was yesterday, and one I just have to be all giddy about.
I drove down to his place and he cuddled me on the couch, asking me about the hospital and just listening to me and comforting me in the most wonderful way. It was beautiful weather and I wanted to play outside so he decided to take me on a random road trip adventure down the coast to Kiama, to the water, to see the tourist sites and basically cater to every whim I had. We got coffee, I dragged him into gift shops, we went and saw the blow hole because I hadn't seen it since I was a child and he just grinned and went along with all of it. We walked hand in hand, acted like a total giddy couple, and it was gorgeous.
He drove me back to his place, took me out to dinner, making sure we went somewhere where I could actually eat the food (swoon) and then we went back to his place and watched The Breakfast Club!!!
I swear, I don't remember the last time I had such a perfect date.
It just felt right to stay the night.
It felt even more right to do what happened next.
All I can say, honestly, is wow.
WOW!
I have never, in my life, found someone more compatible, in all ways, to me.
I've never had someone make me feel so so beautiful.
I've never had someone look at me the way he does.
I'm covered in bruises from the hospital, I'm covered in a rash from an allergic reaction and I look like I haven't seen the sun in months, I'm so pale. And he looked at me like I was a goddess. He kissed every bruise and mark, he touched me like I was the most precious thing in the world, and he said the most sweetest things to me, constantly, even now while I'm typing this and he's out with his friends and still texting me saying he misses me.
It's astounding.
It's mind blowing.
It's not even scary in the slightest.
It feels like it's the most right thing in the world.
I don't know what's going to happen, but right now, it's just getting better and better as each day passes.
He just completely rocks my socks and I feel like I'm flying.
I find him so ridiculously attractive, I can't even think straight around him.
It's quick, yet not, at the same time.
I feel like I've known him forever.
We constantly keep finding more things in common, we even use the same words and phrases that I've never heard anyone else but me use before!
It's just, wow.
My life is never going to be the same again.
Mind = Blown.
This time, it's taken one week for my life to completely change.
They say everything comes in threes. I've believed this my whole life, I've lived this my whole life; this week just proves the point more than it ever could have been before.
Firstly, April and I have officially found our new home! I am so fucking excited. It's an absolutely gorgeous 4 bedroom Federation house that's been newly renovated, it's fucking stunning. In exactly one week we will have the keys, be moved in and starting a completely new book in my life!
I can't wait.
Secondly. Over the last 6-12 months (well, I've had this problem for years, but it's been worse in the last 12 months) I've been really sick in my stomach. Constantly being sick, becoming allergic to food I'd never had a problem with before, a lot of crazy stuff. I finally got a referral to a specialist and got sent to hospital for day surgery to check out all my insides.
I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease.
A part of me is devastated of course, but, a big part of me is actually really relieved! I finally have answers. I finally know what's wrong with me and what I can do to fix it. No more guessing games, no more stress and constantly being ill.
It's not great, but it's finally a solid answer to how I can change my life for the good.
And finally, Thirdly.
Wow. Just wow.
I'm never usually one to talk about someone so soon, not in writing like this anyway.
It's just been such a whirlwind though, I'm stunned, blown away, completely fucking smitten.
Since my last post, about the guy I've had my eye on for months from the train, it's like a fucking movie.
Kissing him is like a drug, I can't get enough.
He has taken me on 3 dates already, each better than the last.
The 3rd date though, was yesterday, and one I just have to be all giddy about.
I drove down to his place and he cuddled me on the couch, asking me about the hospital and just listening to me and comforting me in the most wonderful way. It was beautiful weather and I wanted to play outside so he decided to take me on a random road trip adventure down the coast to Kiama, to the water, to see the tourist sites and basically cater to every whim I had. We got coffee, I dragged him into gift shops, we went and saw the blow hole because I hadn't seen it since I was a child and he just grinned and went along with all of it. We walked hand in hand, acted like a total giddy couple, and it was gorgeous.
He drove me back to his place, took me out to dinner, making sure we went somewhere where I could actually eat the food (swoon) and then we went back to his place and watched The Breakfast Club!!!
I swear, I don't remember the last time I had such a perfect date.
It just felt right to stay the night.
It felt even more right to do what happened next.
All I can say, honestly, is wow.
WOW!
I have never, in my life, found someone more compatible, in all ways, to me.
I've never had someone make me feel so so beautiful.
I've never had someone look at me the way he does.
I'm covered in bruises from the hospital, I'm covered in a rash from an allergic reaction and I look like I haven't seen the sun in months, I'm so pale. And he looked at me like I was a goddess. He kissed every bruise and mark, he touched me like I was the most precious thing in the world, and he said the most sweetest things to me, constantly, even now while I'm typing this and he's out with his friends and still texting me saying he misses me.
It's astounding.
It's mind blowing.
It's not even scary in the slightest.
It feels like it's the most right thing in the world.
I don't know what's going to happen, but right now, it's just getting better and better as each day passes.
He just completely rocks my socks and I feel like I'm flying.
I find him so ridiculously attractive, I can't even think straight around him.
It's quick, yet not, at the same time.
I feel like I've known him forever.
We constantly keep finding more things in common, we even use the same words and phrases that I've never heard anyone else but me use before!
It's just, wow.
My life is never going to be the same again.
Mind = Blown.
Friday, March 22, 2013
2 weeks later...
It never ceases to amaze me how much my life changes on a weekly basis. I'm not sure how I keep up with this stuff, sometimes I know I don't, but it's always eventful!
The day of my last post, I went to the annual Tattoo expo in Sydney.
I got myself tattoo # 7, a black cat, behind my left ear.
It made me feel better.
I would never advise someone to get a tattoo while they are upset, drunk, whatever, but it's a little different for me.
I have a list, about 15 so far, of tattoos I want to get. Every time there is a life changing event for me, and that day was one in a sense, I get a new tattoo. Whether it's good, bad, whatever, it signifies a change, a new path.
Tomorrow I'm going to inspect about 4 places with April, on our seach for our new home together. That's the first biggest change.
This morning, I offically met this guy, who has so far I've had a story with that's like a movie:
I first noticed this guy awhile ago, on my train.
He has all these amazing tattoos on his arms, he has this look that I totally dig, and I saw him and thought, "Wow."
Now, I'm a pretty shy person at times, so I kind of just left it as a nice view on my way to work.
Then I started to notice him looking at me.
We'd do the whole "checking each other out but looking away if the other noticed" kind of thing and it was cute and amusing.
Then we'd start to smile at each other.
It always made my morning.
This week, on Monday morning, I kind of noticed him paying particular attention. I wondered what he was doing, I started to really kick myself for not getting the nerve to just say hi, or something!
Tuesday comes along, more smiles, he watches me get off the train, I'm getting more annoyed with myself for just not at least saying bye, something!
Wednesday morning, I tried to, I really did, but I completely chickened out and felt a bit silly when I got to work. I saw Jimmy in the morning and told him about it, and I threw around the idea of maybe saying something via Mx, the free newspaper that everyone reads on the trains in the afternoon and has a section called "Here's looking at you" where you can send a little note to someone who's caught your eye.
Wednesday evening I was offered a lift to Sutherland with Eva, and nearly took it, but decided nah, get the train. I nearly didn't grab the Mx, but last minute decided to. I was going to change my bag that night, which is black and has spikes all over it, until I opened the Mx.
And there it was.
He had written in.
To me.
Saying my smile made his morning.
I nearly had a heart attack! I called April straight away, kind of losing my shit, as you do hehe, and thought "this is it! you have to say something now!"
Thursday morning, he gets on and the train is packed. We couldn't even stand near each other, let alone me say hi.
So, I did something I've never done before.
I wrote him a note.
Saying that his smile makes my morning too, with my name and number on it.
I got courage from somewhere, and handed it to him as I was getting off the train. I could have died on the spot, what if I got it wrong? What if it wasn't him? I was so sure it was the night before, I was so sure that was meant for me, I just KNEW. I always tend to question myself though, bad habit.
Not 20 mins later...
I get a text.
From him.
All my doubts flew away.
We kept texting during the day, strangly finding more and more in common with each other than I had expected. It was amazing.
This morning, we finally, offically, said hi to each other. We chatted on the train, he got off with me and we grabbed a coffee, it was just, wow. I don't know where this guy came from, how I've never come across him before, we have mutual friends for fuck sake!
Regardless, it's been pretty amazing, bizarre, random and just, fantastic. We're going to meet again next week after work and I have to say, maybe, just maybe, this is yet another new path in my life. Regardless, I've made a new friend, and he's super cool. Just like me :)
(I've been talking to Eva about this and she told me that she's been praying for me for a while now, which melted my heart, and this is what she's been praying for:
"
The day of my last post, I went to the annual Tattoo expo in Sydney.
I got myself tattoo # 7, a black cat, behind my left ear.
It made me feel better.
I would never advise someone to get a tattoo while they are upset, drunk, whatever, but it's a little different for me.
I have a list, about 15 so far, of tattoos I want to get. Every time there is a life changing event for me, and that day was one in a sense, I get a new tattoo. Whether it's good, bad, whatever, it signifies a change, a new path.
Tomorrow I'm going to inspect about 4 places with April, on our seach for our new home together. That's the first biggest change.
This morning, I offically met this guy, who has so far I've had a story with that's like a movie:
I first noticed this guy awhile ago, on my train.
He has all these amazing tattoos on his arms, he has this look that I totally dig, and I saw him and thought, "Wow."
Now, I'm a pretty shy person at times, so I kind of just left it as a nice view on my way to work.
Then I started to notice him looking at me.
We'd do the whole "checking each other out but looking away if the other noticed" kind of thing and it was cute and amusing.
Then we'd start to smile at each other.
It always made my morning.
This week, on Monday morning, I kind of noticed him paying particular attention. I wondered what he was doing, I started to really kick myself for not getting the nerve to just say hi, or something!
Tuesday comes along, more smiles, he watches me get off the train, I'm getting more annoyed with myself for just not at least saying bye, something!
Wednesday morning, I tried to, I really did, but I completely chickened out and felt a bit silly when I got to work. I saw Jimmy in the morning and told him about it, and I threw around the idea of maybe saying something via Mx, the free newspaper that everyone reads on the trains in the afternoon and has a section called "Here's looking at you" where you can send a little note to someone who's caught your eye.
Wednesday evening I was offered a lift to Sutherland with Eva, and nearly took it, but decided nah, get the train. I nearly didn't grab the Mx, but last minute decided to. I was going to change my bag that night, which is black and has spikes all over it, until I opened the Mx.
And there it was.
He had written in.
To me.
Saying my smile made his morning.
I nearly had a heart attack! I called April straight away, kind of losing my shit, as you do hehe, and thought "this is it! you have to say something now!"
Thursday morning, he gets on and the train is packed. We couldn't even stand near each other, let alone me say hi.
So, I did something I've never done before.
I wrote him a note.
Saying that his smile makes my morning too, with my name and number on it.
I got courage from somewhere, and handed it to him as I was getting off the train. I could have died on the spot, what if I got it wrong? What if it wasn't him? I was so sure it was the night before, I was so sure that was meant for me, I just KNEW. I always tend to question myself though, bad habit.
Not 20 mins later...
I get a text.
From him.
All my doubts flew away.
We kept texting during the day, strangly finding more and more in common with each other than I had expected. It was amazing.
This morning, we finally, offically, said hi to each other. We chatted on the train, he got off with me and we grabbed a coffee, it was just, wow. I don't know where this guy came from, how I've never come across him before, we have mutual friends for fuck sake!
Regardless, it's been pretty amazing, bizarre, random and just, fantastic. We're going to meet again next week after work and I have to say, maybe, just maybe, this is yet another new path in my life. Regardless, I've made a new friend, and he's super cool. Just like me :)
(I've been talking to Eva about this and she told me that she's been praying for me for a while now, which melted my heart, and this is what she's been praying for:
"
hi god, me again
please bring connie a nice man who will rock her socks off.
she deserves it, no more a-holes please.
just a nice guy who likes tattoos, coffee, makes her giggle and shares of her love of all things weird and wonderful.
that would be tops.
kthanxbai, amen & bazinga"
please bring connie a nice man who will rock her socks off.
she deserves it, no more a-holes please.
just a nice guy who likes tattoos, coffee, makes her giggle and shares of her love of all things weird and wonderful.
that would be tops.
kthanxbai, amen & bazinga"
There might be a slight part of me, that hopes that prayer is finally coming true. Not necessarily with this guy, but soon, with someone.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Just another manic Monday
This is what happens when I'm bored at work...
(Glenn is straight but was at Mardi Gras over the weekend and got a liittle crazy!)
(Glenn is straight but was at Mardi Gras over the weekend and got a liittle crazy!)
Connie
I'm bored
so very bored
Glenn
hearing ya
Connie
Entertain me?
Glenn
hey i just met you
and this is crazy
Connie
But here's my number
So call me maybe?
Glenn
and all the other boys
try to chasssssssseeeeeeeee me
but heres my number
so call me maybe????
Connie
hahaha
I don't care, I love it!
Glenn
i knew you were trouble when you walked my way!!!!!!
Connie
Is that a line from the song?
Glenn
no from a diff song
taylor swift!
Connie
Omfg
No
Just no
I don't do Taylor Swift
Glenn
bahahaha she is good!@
Connie
You're dropped
Glenn
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".
I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".
quality lyrics!
Connie
If you keep quoting Taylor Swift songs to me, and I'm gonna assume those are, I won't talk to you anymore
Glenn
hahaha nawwwwww whyyyyyyyy?????????
Connie
Cos that's just ridiculous
Glenn
oh boo you
for the rest of the arvo we have to talk in nothing but lyrics and make a story
Connie
Done!
This is going to be hard lol
Glenn
sweet you can start
Connie
Does it have to be a flowing story though?
Glenn
well it has to try and make sense
cant just be random
but as long as it flows in a direction
Connie
aw sh!t
Glenn
hahaha
step up kiddo
Connie
A long, long time ago, I can still remember, how that music used to make me smile
Glenn
I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
Connie
- Nobody on the road Nobody on the beach I feel it in the air The summer's out of reach
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Connie
(Oh man, you had to go emo)
Glenn
hahaha live with it
Connie
don't try to find the answer
when there ain't no question here
brother let your heart be wounded
and give no mercy to your fear
when there ain't no question here
brother let your heart be wounded
and give no mercy to your fear
Glenn
To Find yourself just look inside the wreckage of your past
Connie
So strange are the ways,
They all have changed
Still life it stays the same
A break from the past
Could make it last
Maybe just a little longer
They all have changed
Still life it stays the same
A break from the past
Could make it last
Maybe just a little longer
Glenn
Happy days are coming my way, its been some time, but here to stay,
Is the life of love Ive found, sends me up on happy ground.
Sleepy head has gone to bed, makes me laugh, face turn red,
Giggling down on the ground, I'll pick you up and spin you around.
Is the life of love Ive found, sends me up on happy ground.
Sleepy head has gone to bed, makes me laugh, face turn red,
Giggling down on the ground, I'll pick you up and spin you around.
Connie
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out, here I come
Glenn
Relax don't do it
When you want to to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Connie
I just touched down
Quarter after two
I know it's late
I'm calling you
Tryin' to figure if I
Can come see you
Quarter after two
I know it's late
I'm calling you
Tryin' to figure if I
Can come see you
(That was hard!)
Glenn
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
Connie
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfcker burn,
Burn motherfcker burn.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfcker burn,
Burn motherfcker burn.
Glenn
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Connie
Been around the world and found
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding And I don't even own a TV
Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me You told them all
I was crazy They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee
G0dd@mn you
That only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding And I don't even own a TV
Put me in the hospital for nerves
And then they had to commit me You told them all
I was crazy They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee
G0dd@mn you
Glenn
Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Connie
(You're depressing :( )
Glenn
hahaha im playing music on youtube and just using lyrics out of it
JT is on at the moment
Connie
You are so g@y!
Glenn
hey i proved that!!!
Connie
You sure did, table dancer
Glenn
window sill thankyou
and cage
and catwalk
FML
Connie
:-O
No!
You didn't!
Glenn
ahh yes i did...
Connie
LMAO!
Glenn
most of the night
i'll have to fill u in
lol
it was random
Connie
Just a little!
Glenn
when we do it, we do it properly
Connie
hahahahahaha
Glenn
the people that were there were telling us that we are the loosest things theyve seen in there for a long tim
**time
now thats saying something
Connie
This is getting blogged lol
Glenn
whats blogged?
this convo?
Connie
This conversation
Funniest talk I've had in ages
Glenn
haha wait till i tell u the whole story haha
then you'll have a story
Friday, March 1, 2013
Caution - Ranting ahead.
Every day I come on here to start a post and get as far as staring at the screen blankly.
I have lots of things I've wanted to let out, muse over, discuss, but when push comes to shove, it won't come out.
It's probably a cominbation of tiredness, overwork, not being able to find the right words, wondering if it's worth even talking about, sheer laziness and bah humbug ness.
I've been in the process of finding a new place to live with April, sorting out my life and what I want to take with me and what I want to leave behind, juggling my social life (what a fucking mission), trying to get my health on track, dealing with other people's shit and generally having my mind be on a million things at once.
I keep thinking that I reached the deepest level of tired and still be able to function but it keeps going. I'm not sure what I'm running on these days but if I could bottle this and sell it, I'd be a billionaire.
I've been getting pretty over people's bullshit lately.
I just don't have the time and patience to deal with anyone.
I'm feeling pretty feral in a sense that I'm ready to pounce and rip apart anyone who pushes me even slightly, so of course it seems like everyone is poking the bear.
Friends who think they know "best" and keep trying to tell me what to do (I can be quite dominant so when someone tries to tell me what to do and push the issue, it doesn't sit well), friends keep expecting me to hook them up with ridiculous requests (I had to say to one today "Do I look like a fucking fairy godmother to you?"), people are saying one thing but then their actions show something completely different, just, argh!
Stop already!
Stop the bullshit!
I have nothing left to give.
I need to concentrate on myself and people are either supportive or not, but they need to stop making me feel like shit when I am who I am and don't want to deal with anything but my own stuff. I feel like I'm being punished and I HATE that, not just hate but it makes me really pissed off and then I just don't want to play nice anymore.
If I don't want to do something that involves me specifically, I won't do it and people should certainly not take offence to it - it's MY choice if I want to do something or not, and it's to be accepted, without question, because that's how it works. If someone were to say the same to me - for example - one of my gf's has asked that I don't contact her because she's going through some stuff and that she'll contact me when she's ready, my response is "Sure no worries." and not a single ounce of resentment or being upset is given, because you know why? That's what she wants so she gets it! It's not hard.
If I don't want to follow someone's advice and do what they say, they need to fucking accept that too.
No one is the boss of me, except me. I don't listen to my parents when they try and tell me what to do, so I'm certainly not going to listen to anyone else.
Give suggestions sure, I'm always open to them, but the minute someone says "You have to do this" ooh boy, I'll tell you what you have to fucking do mate!
I'm in a mood, I am aware of it, I'm trying to control it, but at the same time, I don't think I'm being ridiculous when I expect people to show me understanding and acceptance that I will always show them.
So yes, I'm distant, I'm short tempered, I'm blunt and I'm saying it how it is, because I've had enough. It's already freaking March and I will take control of my life MY way, whether people are with me or not.
I have lots of things I've wanted to let out, muse over, discuss, but when push comes to shove, it won't come out.
It's probably a cominbation of tiredness, overwork, not being able to find the right words, wondering if it's worth even talking about, sheer laziness and bah humbug ness.
I've been in the process of finding a new place to live with April, sorting out my life and what I want to take with me and what I want to leave behind, juggling my social life (what a fucking mission), trying to get my health on track, dealing with other people's shit and generally having my mind be on a million things at once.
I keep thinking that I reached the deepest level of tired and still be able to function but it keeps going. I'm not sure what I'm running on these days but if I could bottle this and sell it, I'd be a billionaire.
I've been getting pretty over people's bullshit lately.
I just don't have the time and patience to deal with anyone.
I'm feeling pretty feral in a sense that I'm ready to pounce and rip apart anyone who pushes me even slightly, so of course it seems like everyone is poking the bear.
Friends who think they know "best" and keep trying to tell me what to do (I can be quite dominant so when someone tries to tell me what to do and push the issue, it doesn't sit well), friends keep expecting me to hook them up with ridiculous requests (I had to say to one today "Do I look like a fucking fairy godmother to you?"), people are saying one thing but then their actions show something completely different, just, argh!
Stop already!
Stop the bullshit!
I have nothing left to give.
I need to concentrate on myself and people are either supportive or not, but they need to stop making me feel like shit when I am who I am and don't want to deal with anything but my own stuff. I feel like I'm being punished and I HATE that, not just hate but it makes me really pissed off and then I just don't want to play nice anymore.
If I don't want to do something that involves me specifically, I won't do it and people should certainly not take offence to it - it's MY choice if I want to do something or not, and it's to be accepted, without question, because that's how it works. If someone were to say the same to me - for example - one of my gf's has asked that I don't contact her because she's going through some stuff and that she'll contact me when she's ready, my response is "Sure no worries." and not a single ounce of resentment or being upset is given, because you know why? That's what she wants so she gets it! It's not hard.
If I don't want to follow someone's advice and do what they say, they need to fucking accept that too.
No one is the boss of me, except me. I don't listen to my parents when they try and tell me what to do, so I'm certainly not going to listen to anyone else.
Give suggestions sure, I'm always open to them, but the minute someone says "You have to do this" ooh boy, I'll tell you what you have to fucking do mate!
I'm in a mood, I am aware of it, I'm trying to control it, but at the same time, I don't think I'm being ridiculous when I expect people to show me understanding and acceptance that I will always show them.
So yes, I'm distant, I'm short tempered, I'm blunt and I'm saying it how it is, because I've had enough. It's already freaking March and I will take control of my life MY way, whether people are with me or not.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Random musings from a chaotic mind...
*This is random and all over the place, with no clear flow or concept, I'm just in the mood to write.*
I'll forget what kind of car I drive and what brand of cigarettes I smoke, but without fail I will remember the words to all my favourite songs, even if I haven't heard it in years.
I have the habit of wanting all the things that I cannot have and never wanting the things I can have.
There is apparently only 1 man to every 5 women in this day and age. I'm so totally fucked.
I've never in my life been allergic to any kind of food, yet these days if I eat certain things I get so sick I just want to be shot.
I tend to come across so negative and depressed in my blog posts, yet I'm probably one of the most happy and positive people I know (well, bar the last few years, it's been a tough few years...)
If I could have any wish in the world right now, it would be that I am just completely healthy in all aspects of my body and I never get sick again, that would be wonderful. I'm talking weight, my back, my tummy, my skin, my hair, all of it. (not that I'm feral now, I just want it to all be better, just like most people.)
This year so far, I've read approximately 50 books. I have a big addiction to books. I sometimes wish I finished high school and went onto university to be an editor, that would have been the perfect job for me.
I do not regret any of the choices I made in life, for I would not be who I am today without them. I do wish sometimes that things would just be good, all the time, but I snap out of that pretty quickly, for how can you appreciate the good without having the bad to help you recognise it.
I look forward to the day that I have my own husband and children and home and can have everything the way I want it. I'm a total housewife and I love it.
I get exceedingly angry at women who scorn the ladies that make this sort of choice like me, make us feel like we are lesser or not feminists and how dare we destory everything that was built for us over the years.
The whole point is that women can make their own choices. I CHOOSE to want this and do this. This does not make me lesser, it does not make me weak. I want to love and protect my family, I want to feed them and be there for them and teach them all I know.
This includes blood and soul family.
My house will always be open.
There will always be food on my table for all.
There will always be laughter and music and books and magic in my home and this is what I choose.
The hearth is my right and I am strong in this right.
I have an addictive personality. At the moment my addiction is being fed by Candy Crush Saga, a game you can play on your phone and on Facebook. Someone help stop the madness!
I'm going to Soundwave this Sunday and I was given approval today to have Monday off, so I am going to party ridiculously hard.
I will be seeing Tomahawk, Bullet for My Valentine, Stone Sour, Slayer, A Perfect Circle, Linkin Park and Metallica. Boy oh boy I am giddy with excitement!
I unfortunately will be missing Sum41, Paramore, Garbage, Blink 182 and The Offspring, which totally sucks, but I had to pick which side and I'm a metal girl at heart
(I'm also an 80's freak and pretty much all genre type of music gal mixed together but Rock and Metal hold a special place).
I am restless and bored and wish I never had to work again because there are so many things I'd rather be doing with my time, like reading and doing my nails and cooking and creating and sleeping, oh my precious sleep... Alas, I am stuck in the rat race of life and have a while yet before I can leave it.
I find it amusing when I listen to people complain about how they've been working full time for 5 years for example and are so over it blah blah.
I've been working for 18 years.
From the age of 8 I was working in my parents shop, and I mean working. I didn't get pocket money, I had to work to get money to spend.
From 14 til 16 I was working for my parents, at the local supermarket and at a boutique shop in a massive shopping centre - while still at school full time.
I left school when I was 16 and went to work for my brother at his business full time and for my parents part time, as well as the boutique shop.
I left them all after a year when I was 17 and went to Greece.
I came back from Greece and went to work full time while studying and worked for my parents again.
I left that job when I was 18 and went to Tafe full time to study and continued to work for my parents.
Once I finished Tafe, I went to work again full time and still worked for my parents.
I kept having 2 jobs, one full time and for my parents until I was 22 years old and they sold their business off. It's now only for the last 4 years I've worked just the one job, full time.
(Let me be clear, when I say I worked for my parents after I came back from Greece, we're talking 6-10 5 nights a week, all I did was work.)
All this was happening while I moved out of home at 19 and wasn't driving, so had to train and bus it and get lifts and just basically run around like a headless chook.
I've worked my whole life and yet people whinge to me about working full time?
Oh darlings, you will get no sympathy out of me!
I think I'll leave it there, this is already long and random.
If you made it to the end, congratulations!
You survived the randomness.
Have a cookie! xoxo
I'll forget what kind of car I drive and what brand of cigarettes I smoke, but without fail I will remember the words to all my favourite songs, even if I haven't heard it in years.
I have the habit of wanting all the things that I cannot have and never wanting the things I can have.
There is apparently only 1 man to every 5 women in this day and age. I'm so totally fucked.
I've never in my life been allergic to any kind of food, yet these days if I eat certain things I get so sick I just want to be shot.
I tend to come across so negative and depressed in my blog posts, yet I'm probably one of the most happy and positive people I know (well, bar the last few years, it's been a tough few years...)
If I could have any wish in the world right now, it would be that I am just completely healthy in all aspects of my body and I never get sick again, that would be wonderful. I'm talking weight, my back, my tummy, my skin, my hair, all of it. (not that I'm feral now, I just want it to all be better, just like most people.)
This year so far, I've read approximately 50 books. I have a big addiction to books. I sometimes wish I finished high school and went onto university to be an editor, that would have been the perfect job for me.
I do not regret any of the choices I made in life, for I would not be who I am today without them. I do wish sometimes that things would just be good, all the time, but I snap out of that pretty quickly, for how can you appreciate the good without having the bad to help you recognise it.
I look forward to the day that I have my own husband and children and home and can have everything the way I want it. I'm a total housewife and I love it.
I get exceedingly angry at women who scorn the ladies that make this sort of choice like me, make us feel like we are lesser or not feminists and how dare we destory everything that was built for us over the years.
The whole point is that women can make their own choices. I CHOOSE to want this and do this. This does not make me lesser, it does not make me weak. I want to love and protect my family, I want to feed them and be there for them and teach them all I know.
This includes blood and soul family.
My house will always be open.
There will always be food on my table for all.
There will always be laughter and music and books and magic in my home and this is what I choose.
The hearth is my right and I am strong in this right.
I have an addictive personality. At the moment my addiction is being fed by Candy Crush Saga, a game you can play on your phone and on Facebook. Someone help stop the madness!
I'm going to Soundwave this Sunday and I was given approval today to have Monday off, so I am going to party ridiculously hard.
I will be seeing Tomahawk, Bullet for My Valentine, Stone Sour, Slayer, A Perfect Circle, Linkin Park and Metallica. Boy oh boy I am giddy with excitement!
I unfortunately will be missing Sum41, Paramore, Garbage, Blink 182 and The Offspring, which totally sucks, but I had to pick which side and I'm a metal girl at heart
(I'm also an 80's freak and pretty much all genre type of music gal mixed together but Rock and Metal hold a special place).
I am restless and bored and wish I never had to work again because there are so many things I'd rather be doing with my time, like reading and doing my nails and cooking and creating and sleeping, oh my precious sleep... Alas, I am stuck in the rat race of life and have a while yet before I can leave it.
I find it amusing when I listen to people complain about how they've been working full time for 5 years for example and are so over it blah blah.
I've been working for 18 years.
From the age of 8 I was working in my parents shop, and I mean working. I didn't get pocket money, I had to work to get money to spend.
From 14 til 16 I was working for my parents, at the local supermarket and at a boutique shop in a massive shopping centre - while still at school full time.
I left school when I was 16 and went to work for my brother at his business full time and for my parents part time, as well as the boutique shop.
I left them all after a year when I was 17 and went to Greece.
I came back from Greece and went to work full time while studying and worked for my parents again.
I left that job when I was 18 and went to Tafe full time to study and continued to work for my parents.
Once I finished Tafe, I went to work again full time and still worked for my parents.
I kept having 2 jobs, one full time and for my parents until I was 22 years old and they sold their business off. It's now only for the last 4 years I've worked just the one job, full time.
(Let me be clear, when I say I worked for my parents after I came back from Greece, we're talking 6-10 5 nights a week, all I did was work.)
All this was happening while I moved out of home at 19 and wasn't driving, so had to train and bus it and get lifts and just basically run around like a headless chook.
I've worked my whole life and yet people whinge to me about working full time?
Oh darlings, you will get no sympathy out of me!
I think I'll leave it there, this is already long and random.
If you made it to the end, congratulations!
You survived the randomness.
Have a cookie! xoxo
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Don't you, forget about me
Lately I've been forgetting a lot of things. It's been really worrying and stressing me out.
I just had this conversation with the lovely Eva and man she made me laugh, and most importantly, made me feel a lot better. I'm putting it here so I don't forget, I don't want to forget anymore.
So I guess I'm not losing my mind per say, more than I already have, it's nice having it confirmed by someone else though.
Below is our conversation and HERE is the best post (in my own "un-biased" opinion of course) she's written.
I just had this conversation with the lovely Eva and man she made me laugh, and most importantly, made me feel a lot better. I'm putting it here so I don't forget, I don't want to forget anymore.
So I guess I'm not losing my mind per say, more than I already have, it's nice having it confirmed by someone else though.
Below is our conversation and HERE is the best post (in my own "un-biased" opinion of course) she's written.
Eva
are you still thinking about your next tattoo
??
the dragon??
??
the dragon??
Connie
I'm always thinking of my next tattoos :)
but havent decided which is next
Eva
which one hurt the most, and which one is your favourite?
Connie
haha
you always ask interesting things
My ankh hurt the most, oh boy
that was ridiculous
and my favourite is my phoenix
Eva
which one on your ankle?
Connie
haha no no
My Ankh
On my back :)
with the wings
It's an egyptian cross
Eva
oooooooooh
i know that one
i thought for a second there was a tattoo that you had that i forgot about :|
Connie
I forgot what brand of cigarettes I smoked the other night
It's getting a little bit ridiculous.
Eva
oh dear :S
has that ever happened before?
Connie
Dude, I forget everything.
It's just happening more and more now.
Eva
no meaning, something that you use everyday, forgetting the name of it.
Connie
My car (side note - the other day I completely forgot what kind of car I drive and had to ask Eva what it was...)
Eva
ah yeah
that one
Connie
I forget every morning whether or not I put deoderant on
Eva
oh thats normal
, Connie
I get out of the shower having forgotten I turned my light on
, Eva
i forget that ALLL the time!
:)
Connie
and I'm like "why the fk is my light on"
Eva
haha
but its what you do in the morning when you're not really awake
Connie
I'd think I was haunted but it's just me forgetting
Eva
thats acceptable
, Connie
haha fair enough
Sarah said the other day I seem to keep getting old people problems, like my back and my tummy
Eva
because i am a good friend, i am looking up 10 early signs of alzheimers.
Connie
why not the memory thing too!
Eva
you're safe, there is nothing wrong with you
Connie
hahahahahha
are you sure?
Eva
i am.
Connie
What are the 10 signs?
Eva
i will send you the list.
Connie
What about Dementia?
Eva
i'll look up that one now for you
Connie
I am demented after all :P
Eva
that you are... but clinically demented is another story.
nope, you're safe, dont think you have dementia either.
Connie
Huh. Misplacing things, mood swings, changes in personality, apathy, not knowing the day of the week, memory loss
nice
I dont have it now but I'll bet good money I will when I'm older
Eva
yeah but the way its written is severe.
Connie
I won't be though because I'll probably foget :P
bet*
Eva
hahaha
here are 10 signs that you dont have it, according to this list.
1. you remember everything that you forget, eventually. people with dementia do not.
2. you are able to complete a task, or at least come back to if after being distracted. at least you dont go building a house or cooking a meal and leave it and forget that you started it. there would be homeless and hungry people living with you otherwise ;)
Connie
Strokes, depression, alcoholism, infections, hormone disorders, nutritional deficiencies and brain tumours can all cause dementia-like symptoms.
well I'm not having a stroke and I really hope I don't have a tumour but the rest makes sense
Eva
3. you have zero problems with language. you are very easy to understand.
4. i've not seen you disoriented, other than struggling to remember something from a period of your life where everything was fuzzy thanks to the things you were consuming.
5. you have no problem with judgement, of places, of people, of time and distance. you are very well prepared and not phased by being in a new situation with new places, people, time or distance.
6. you can think very well abstractly. its the whole numbers thing. and the universe is abstract and you freakin love the universe!
7. everyone misplaces things. its normal. my mother looks for the glasses that are on her head. i look for my phone which is in my hand. as long as you're not putting your shampoo and conditioner in the washing machine, or looking for the grass fertiliser in the pantry, i think you'll be right.
8. everyone is sad or moody or something or other. but you dont plot to kill someone after singing sunshine and lollipops. its just not you.
Connie
^ I plot that all the time just quietly.
Eva
9. moods change, personality doesnt. you can change aspects of the way that you think but i dont think any one can change their in herent personality... like, you're funny. i dont think you could be unfunny to save your life. and you're compassionate about people... i dont think you would ever deep down not give a rats about anything important to you.
deep down, kinda thought that, but for the purpose of this exercise I will erase that comment from the record ;)
10. its normal to not like obligatory things.
but when you dont want to listen to music, or read books, or write in your moleskin book, or mess on buzzfeed, or watch your favourite movies, or when your favourite movies and music are things you cannot stand anymore, that is the time to be worried. I dont believe you will ever be in danger of this, no matter how many times you forget that you turned on the light, or how many times you quietly plot after singing about sunshine.
but when you dont want to listen to music, or read books, or write in your moleskin book, or mess on buzzfeed, or watch your favourite movies, or when your favourite movies and music are things you cannot stand anymore, that is the time to be worried. I dont believe you will ever be in danger of this, no matter how many times you forget that you turned on the light, or how many times you quietly plot after singing about sunshine.
so there you are. 10 reasons why you are not at risk of losing your mind :D
Connie
You have made me laugh through this whole thing, that's fantastic.
Eva
i am so glad :)
Connie
What a perfect 10 reasons I'm not losing my mind, more than I already have of course!
Eva
hahaha
i think i should turn this into a blog post.
Connie
This whole conversation is going on mine lol
, Eva
ode to connie, who is not losing her mind (but plotting your death as i write this)
Monday, February 11, 2013
Empathy.
em·pa·thy
[em-puh-thee] Show IPA
pə
noun
1.
the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
(In simple terms, the ability to identify, understand and share the feelings of others.)
I was told once, a long time ago, that I have a gift, a power, an ability, a skill.
Omniscient Empathy.
The ability to have complete understanding and a flawless emotional connection with every person I meet in a matter of seconds due to my skills and experience.
I'm otherwise known as an Empath.
Now, whether you believe this stuff or not is really beside the point. Some people believe, some people don't.
Empathy is real. People being more in tune with Empathy is also real. Whether you believe that can then extend further into people being able to feel other's emotions, control them, heal them, well, that's your lesson to learn.
There are many websites out there that have different lists of what it means, how people are affected, etc etc. I've found this particular list quite interesting and pretty accurate for me - there are some on here that aren't but everybody is different and no one will follow lists completely.
This is one such list:
At A Glance: 30 Traits of an Empath
1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes.
(People always ask me how did I know something, my standard response is that "I just do".)
2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.
(I will be okay to a point, and then it'll be this overwhelming need to just get out. I get better as I get older but I used to struggle so much as a child, I hated going into shops, I'd tell my parents and sister I was allergic to clothes and people and wouldn't go in.)
3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for Empaths. To some, they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept Empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from a great distance.
(Even now, after years, I still find myself on occassion trying to seperate my feelings from someone else. I do really well when I'm not exhausted, but the more I am, the harder it is to do.)
4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an Empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.
(This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but some things really hit hard.)
5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many Empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.
(I always know if someone is bullshitting me, as my brother always said "You can't bullshit a bullshit artist", I try to avoid lying as much as possible and I can be quite gullible at times, I always want to believe people are telling me the truth, but it eventually comes out if they're not.)
6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An Empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains), especially those who they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.
(I will always, without fail, pick up on my sisters headaches and migraines. It's a long-running "joke" in my family, I get a headache that isn't quite "right", like I'm having one but not, and it'll be my sister with it.)
7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where Empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an Empath, will almost always be ungrounded.
(hahahahahaha story of my fucking life!)
8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an Empath’s attention and compassion.
(Always.)
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An Empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.
(I've lost count the number of times random strangers have told me their whole life story, and I always have to fight that balance of taking problems on for my loved ones.)
10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.
(Always.)
11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions Empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It can be a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something (external emotions).
(Yep. I get hooked on most things.)
12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many Empaths would love to heal others, they can end up turning away from healing (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to Empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, Empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.
(Spot on.)
13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an Empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.
(Yes, although I wish I could draw.)
14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for Empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.
(3 dogs, a cat and a bird later, I still want more.)
15. Need for solitude: An Empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.
(It's not a want, it's a need.)
16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an Empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.
(You'll often hear me say I'm bored, even when life is not boring!)
17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an Empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many Empaths get labelled as being lazy.
(Spot on. I'm really not that lazy, but my mother certainly thinks so.)
18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an Empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.
(Amen.)
19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an Empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.
(It can be an overload but I LOVE it.)
20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.
(I'm a true hippy at heart.)
21. Abhors clutter: It makes an Empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.
(It's true, but at the same time I'm a pack rat. I get to breaking point and de-clutter but it always builds back up.)
22. Loves to daydream: An Empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.
(Favourite past-time.)
23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an Empath even poisoning.
(Sometimes, but as I get older I make myself deal with it, structure and order is good when you're taking control.)
24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.
(Yep...)
25. Excellent listener: An Empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.
(That's why I always deflect questions off of me and get people to talk about themselves. With the people in my heart though, I tell them whatever they want to know.)
26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, Empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.
(Ooooh they shit me!)
27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An Empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.
(I thought everyone had this?)
28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An Empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.
(This isn't a problem for me for the most part, if someone has bad jo-jo on it I avoid it but otherwise it's fine.)
29. Sense the energy of food: Many Empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.
(It doesn't stop me, I LOVE meat.)
30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an Empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.
(Very much so but again, after years of practice, it's second nature now. It's a big problem sometimes, I am an extremely moody person on occassion, but it's all about the practice.)
If you can say yes to at least 10 of these traits (especially 1 to 10), you could very well be an Empath.
Empaths may carry many of the same traits but they/we are still individuals. We can override or block certain traits and some traits will come and go over the years (strengthen or weaken) as life circumstances change. Once one has become aware of one’s birthright of being an Empath (this will normally happen when any, or all, of the above traits start screaming at you for attention), it is then we can find remedies to ease symptoms and perhaps discover what our true role in life is.
So the reason why I'm discussing this today is because, lately, it's been hard.
I'm so very tired, I'm on a new medication that's fucking with my hormones - which then fucks with your emotions, and my logical side is being worked overtime to try and control the emotions, that aren't my own.
I just want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't want to be. I want to keep the people in my life that give me relief and sactuary from the shit but I get moody and emotional with them and they don't deserve that.
It's all over the place.
It'll re-balance out, I'm very good at controlling this for the most part, but at times, when I struggle, I wish I could explain why. Until *I* can figure it out though, I don't know where to start.
So until then, I keep embracing the logic to control the emotional and keep striving for my balance.
(People always ask me how did I know something, my standard response is that "I just do".)
2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around, can fill the Empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others.
(I will be okay to a point, and then it'll be this overwhelming need to just get out. I get better as I get older but I used to struggle so much as a child, I hated going into shops, I'd tell my parents and sister I was allergic to clothes and people and wouldn't go in.)
3. Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for Empaths. To some, they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept Empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from a great distance.
(Even now, after years, I still find myself on occassion trying to seperate my feelings from someone else. I do really well when I'm not exhausted, but the more I am, the harder it is to do.)
4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an Empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether.
(This doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but some things really hit hard.)
5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many Empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.
(I always know if someone is bullshitting me, as my brother always said "You can't bullshit a bullshit artist", I try to avoid lying as much as possible and I can be quite gullible at times, I always want to believe people are telling me the truth, but it eventually comes out if they're not.)
6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An Empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains), especially those who they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.
(I will always, without fail, pick up on my sisters headaches and migraines. It's a long-running "joke" in my family, I get a headache that isn't quite "right", like I'm having one but not, and it'll be my sister with it.)
7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where Empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an Empath, will almost always be ungrounded.
(hahahahahaha story of my fucking life!)
8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an Empath’s attention and compassion.
(Always.)
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An Empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own.
(I've lost count the number of times random strangers have told me their whole life story, and I always have to fight that balance of taking problems on for my loved ones.)
10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME.
(Always.)
11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions Empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It can be a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something (external emotions).
(Yep. I get hooked on most things.)
12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many Empaths would love to heal others, they can end up turning away from healing (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to Empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, Empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat.
(Spot on.)
13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an Empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination.
(Yes, although I wish I could draw.)
14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for Empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.
(3 dogs, a cat and a bird later, I still want more.)
15. Need for solitude: An Empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children.
(It's not a want, it's a need.)
16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an Empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling.
(You'll often hear me say I'm bored, even when life is not boring!)
17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an Empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many Empaths get labelled as being lazy.
(Spot on. I'm really not that lazy, but my mother certainly thinks so.)
18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an Empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong.
(Amen.)
19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an Empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload.
(It can be an overload but I LOVE it.)
20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits.
(I'm a true hippy at heart.)
21. Abhors clutter: It makes an Empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy.
(It's true, but at the same time I'm a pack rat. I get to breaking point and de-clutter but it always builds back up.)
22. Loves to daydream: An Empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.
(Favourite past-time.)
23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an Empath even poisoning.
(Sometimes, but as I get older I make myself deal with it, structure and order is good when you're taking control.)
24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact.
(Yep...)
25. Excellent listener: An Empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.
(That's why I always deflect questions off of me and get people to talk about themselves. With the people in my heart though, I tell them whatever they want to know.)
26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, Empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own.
(Ooooh they shit me!)
27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An Empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling.
(I thought everyone had this?)
28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An Empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy.
(This isn't a problem for me for the most part, if someone has bad jo-jo on it I avoid it but otherwise it's fine.)
29. Sense the energy of food: Many Empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste.
(It doesn't stop me, I LOVE meat.)
30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an Empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone.
(Very much so but again, after years of practice, it's second nature now. It's a big problem sometimes, I am an extremely moody person on occassion, but it's all about the practice.)
If you can say yes to at least 10 of these traits (especially 1 to 10), you could very well be an Empath.
Empaths may carry many of the same traits but they/we are still individuals. We can override or block certain traits and some traits will come and go over the years (strengthen or weaken) as life circumstances change. Once one has become aware of one’s birthright of being an Empath (this will normally happen when any, or all, of the above traits start screaming at you for attention), it is then we can find remedies to ease symptoms and perhaps discover what our true role in life is.
So the reason why I'm discussing this today is because, lately, it's been hard.
I'm so very tired, I'm on a new medication that's fucking with my hormones - which then fucks with your emotions, and my logical side is being worked overtime to try and control the emotions, that aren't my own.
I just want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't want to be. I want to keep the people in my life that give me relief and sactuary from the shit but I get moody and emotional with them and they don't deserve that.
It's all over the place.
It'll re-balance out, I'm very good at controlling this for the most part, but at times, when I struggle, I wish I could explain why. Until *I* can figure it out though, I don't know where to start.
So until then, I keep embracing the logic to control the emotional and keep striving for my balance.
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